For most people, success in life would be the achievement of stability. A stable job. A stable marriage or family. A stable income with reasonable expenditures. If that's the case, I would be right there in terms of life's success. By all accounts, I should be happy, or at least content. Instead, I fight everyday to make sure I don't explode, and some nights, I feel that I am fighting a losing war.
There comes a point in the life of someone like myself that fighting on at all costs doesn't pan out. This is perhaps the worst thing I can admit to myself, given that I have made it my personal motto to suck it up and yell out "TIS BUT A FLESH WOUND!" If it was any other circumstances, I would have just shrugged, let it all out and keep fighting.
Sadly, I don't think I can anymore. At least, I don't think I can fight the same way on a battleground that's different than the one I originally planned for. Stability of family life was something I never expected. Those priorities are different. As much as it pains me to admit, I don't know what the hell it is I'm doing most of the time, not so much in achieving maintaining a stable life, but more in maintaining a stable frame of mind.
The best I can put it, I'm a soldier that has returned from the front, still fighting a war that doesn't exist anymore. So I'm going to do what needs to be done. I'm going to seek professional help, on my own accord, without anyone having to stage some kind of intervention or something.
At least I can say my motto still applies. I am still fighting at all costs, even if it is my stubbornness and pride. For the people and things I love in life, I think I can live with that sacrifice.