48 – Late Night Insecurities…

Song of the 29th Hour: Dexter Freebish – How Do I Get Through To You

I really don’t know what picture to put down right now. I mean I’m seriously stumped about it. All I can think about right now is the situations we get into for the people we love and my own insecurities with my own life. One thing about me is that for some reason I have always attracted people in need to share something to me. Whether it might be problems, whether it might be something happy, whether it might be anything at all.

I have always been the living journal for a lot of people.

I don’t know…its become a habit for so long to be there for others, a friend of mine was right, I’ve forgotten that it has been like to be there for myself. I pushed myself so hard to make sure people don’t feel the pain I have always felt. I never really put the same effort into making sure I stopped feeling the pain.

Even right now…the pain goes on and on.

I mean that tight squeeze in my chest has been there since a few hours ago and it still isn’t gone. Since I don’t now what to do about it, I do the next best thing. Listen to other people with things to say. I know it makes absolutely no sense because how is that going to help me hurt less. Simple.

It doesn’t.

I figure if I make other people hurt less that’s more than I know what to do for myself. So it makes sense to at least be there for others right? I don’t know…it DOES make perfect sense for me. If i don’t know what the hell to do about myself…I might as well concentrate on what I know how to do best.

Perfect Edrei reasoning.

Doesn’t stop me from wishing it were otherwise anyway.

But it’s a life I just have to live.

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