B2005: One Line With Many Scars

The 27 Scars
For some of you who don’t know, yes…it’s true. I am a cutter. Or was. Or is. Sometimes I don’t know where I stand right now because the habit comes on and off depending on how stressed out I am. In any case, I know it isn’t exactly the healthiest of habits.

But it’s still part of me.

Again some people think cutters are often self-destructive and suicidal. That is a very common misconception. We’re not suicidal when we cut. More often than not, a lot of us are…well…very reflective of the things that happen in our lives. More often than not, the reason we cut isn’t a sign where we are going to kill ourselves.

It’s just a way of dealing with the pain.

Mind you sometimes the pain some of us face in life can be overwhelming. Sometimes in the dark when there is no one there but yourself, all you can do is to feel that crushing weight of pain inside our chest threatening to explode and mess up the surrounding area.

That’s why we cut.

It’s a way of controling that pain. It’s a way of seeing yourself physically bleed and hurt instead of feeling something we cannot see or touch. It’s a way of snapping yourself into reality the insanity and quicksand-like depression you’re sinking into. It’s a way to come back to yourself and the problem at hand without focusing too much on the worries of it.

It’s a way of dealing with things.

I’m not saying it’s a good way. Sure enough, cutters who know other cutters often understand and support each other through their experienced past and future. A lot of us don’t want to see another person do it, but often find it hard for ourself to kick the habit.

Still…not all of us are that bad.

The more seasoned of us know how to control and when to control it. It’s just another walk in life for some of us. It’s another walk in life for me. Maybe I’ll never truly kick that habit, but if there is anything I know, it’s that I know I’m not alone in all this. I have many other friends out there who would be willing to stand by me in this dangerous addiction.

I guess in that…I have a lot to be thankful for.

A lot to be thankful for.

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