For the past few weeks or so, I have become a rollercoaster of emotions…riding on constant wave of low ups and high downs. No doubt…the stone heart and cold conscience that this body once held. The sociopath that was once me is now the shattered fragments of emotions that I once held before.
But bad things also don’t last forever.
I don’t know…maybe it’s just me returning to the place where I always am. Maybe it’s me rebuilding myself around these new conditions that I felt so lost in. Maybe it’s me trying to survive.
But I’m starting to understand.
I’m starting to understand what you’ve been trying to tell me. I’m starting to understand what life was trying to show me. I’m starting to understand that with what I already know. I know that I cannot run away from who I am. I know I cannot simply change the face which I have so long strived to hold. I am who I am…and though you have the keys to my heart.
I still can open and close it.
I’m not saying I am closing my heart towards you. No. Far from it…my devotion to you will always be there till my last dying breath. But soldiers often are who they are…and in this case…I am a soldier. I am your soldier. Like the samurai of old, I am forever here to watch over you. Like an angel, I am always watching over you. Like a ghostly lover…I will always be the wind that caresses your heart in the loneliest of nights.
No matter how far I stand by the side. No matter how much a shadow I am. No matter how bright you stand on the eve of twilight. It doesn’t and it shouldn’t matter whether I am furthest from your thoughts. The abyss inside me is there for a reason. To call upon the person who I always am. To be JC, Edward and Anita rolled into one.
So I will keep to my goal.
I will keep the fight to be that place in your heart.
For as long as it takes.
For as long as I can see you smile.
For as long as I am there to see you dream the peaceful slumber.
I’ll never rest this weary head.
And always look at you with a smile.