Faith Manages…

Sometimes we can’t help but become slaves to our doubt and fear. Yeah…that is the rule that I have always lived alongside. That is, if it isn’t those days where I am a slave to my doubt and fear. Then I probably won’t remember that rule. Hell…I doubt I would remember any rule at all.

Sadly enough…that’s what I’ve been living by for a while.

Then again…maybe because I think too much or maybe because it is for real. Lessons in life do indeed come from the most basic of things. Things that most people rarely think off. Things like pain and suffering. Things like the light at the end of a tunnel.

Things like carrying a box from one end to another.

Yeah…a box. If it had to be a lesson or a message…it had to be a box. A 20 kg box to be precise. Technically…that does not seem to be heavy. At first it didn’t seem heavy at all. I don’t know. Maybe my arms were weak or the way I was carrying the thing. But…I can tell you one thing.

It felt like an eternity carrying it.

Here comes the lesson though if the analogy fits. Carrying a burden by your own on that long road to home under dire situations isn’t impossible when you have something to hold on to in your heart.

So that’s that I held on to.

You.

It didn’t matter that rain was pouring over me. It didn’t matter that there was no one physically there to help me. It didn’t matter that my arms, back and foot were screaming for me to stop. It just mattered that I push fowards as I always have.

It matter that I got back to with what I had and not lose it.

And there you were…you were with me as always. I could imagine you worrying about me. Hearing you asking me if I was ok. Asking me to rest, to not push myself.

No…it wasn’t bad.

Because in the end I could see you smile. I could see your face light up, proud at me because this is something I did myself, for myself. You were there yes…but…if anything. You were always the will worth lifting the world for. it’s different than me asking you to tell me to do something.

This is what hope is supposed to be.

This is what faith and trust is supposed to mean.

This is the heart telling the mind the reason for fighting.

Maybe if I can see it…you can too. Maybe in this case, it’s not the the things I say, or the things I give….but the person I am in the end. The person you KNOW I always am and always will be no matter the face I wear or the mask I put on.

You´ll always be the person you are to me. A part of my will and determination to to push on. Not the same as before…but further than I could ever have thought possible. You showed me that I was never really alone, that miracles do happen…even to people like us.

that’s something no fear or doubt can cut through.

I wish…no…I hope…no…I have faith that in the end, you will see it too. Along with me side by side in a future of our own making.

For now…thanks for the penguins honey. Added the second one to the phone. Put the other one above my bed. In a way…I guess…you’ll always be right beside me watching over me.

I have have faith in that.

And I will push on through till the end.

Neither rain, sleet or snow.

Neither fear, doubt or insecurity.

I’ll walk home to you in the end.

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