As always, if there was a time to curse God for what fate befalls, there will be a time when you will also curse God for what other fate befell to compensate for what befall-ed before. That time is now.
Did I just make any sense?
I don’t know know myself.
I just got back and I’m tired.
It would seem increasingly clear that in order to compensate for my own recent problems, life has given me the appropiate substitutes to make sure I am on the edge, but I don’t fall over it into the abyss again. There is just one thing I would like to say about the entire thing so far?
What do You want from me?!
Seriously, why do You constantly give me something good then continuously mock me by keeping whatever good at arms length? This is probably the…see…I even forgot how many times I wrote something like this before. Ever since before, You’ve done this to me over and over again, giving me something good then taking it away the next time with something maliciously bad. Day in day out, I’m like Your cat who repetitively jumps onto the cosmic string You keep pulling to amuse Yourself for all I know.
Can’t You just for once give me something good on my own?
Or at least tell me that in the end, all this circle of pain and frustration is all worth something good. Some plan that I overlooked somehow. I just don’t want to keep looking like the bad guy anymore, standing below those accusing eyes that say I deserve what I don’t even know I did wrong myself.
I know I’ve been good.
I know at least…my heart is pure.
So for once allow me to be a little spiritual when I say, isn’t the good suppose to win?
Otherwise what’s heaven for?
Tell me that this is the better fight. Tell me that the Gates have yet to be shut and we the fallen Gregori have not been cast aside from Your grace. Tell me that it’s all worth it. Tell me there is eternal comfort other than that which we sacrificed to be here for.
Tell me something…anything.
It’s the least You can do.