How much would fiction mean in your life? I mean…if you’re the type that reads, listens and watches alot…how big an impact would it make in your life? How much of yourself would you involve in it? Is it part of your life because you’re able to relate to it…or is it because it is able to relate to you?
I realise that if anything…books and movies have always been a large part of my life. It has always been there to guide me when no one else has. In the years before I began to relate to people…the characters I watch and read has always been my companion and my role models in life. Always teasing me, drawing me to be the people they are. If people read and watched because they found their life like the fiction they were engrossed in…the life I lead was a little different…
I wanted my life to be like them.
Looking back then…no…I never did want to be part of those superheroes in a team and fought in the giant robots. They were nice to watch and all…but…they never did pull me. It was always the lone soldier, the underdog of heroes that pulled me to be them. Even though it was fiction…it was always the underdogs and the lone wolves that gave me something to look foward for. If anything…they were the people who could get through all the obsticles set before them and STILL get what they want.
How could I not want to be that?
How could I ever resist looking up to Dr. Hannibal Lecter? I mean…how old was I when I first saw it? 10…11? Doesn’t matter…it was somewhere around there anyway…but…after all this while…he has always been the person I most want to be. The ultimate underdog and lone wolf that stood against the tide of humanity’s cesspool and normalacy and came out a man feared and respected for what he is…even is he was often misunderstood for who he is.
I guess…if anything that was the beginning of the tide of shows that I looked up to.
Which leads me to now. I have been lead astray from the life I’ve always been moving along. If ever there was a part of me who was always me. It has always been the part of me who stood by as the underdog and the lone wolf in life. It always was the guy who stood by the corner watching out of interest and acting out of reason. The guy who few people see but many people feel.
That is the person I have to go back to being.
It isn’t as hard as I might think. I still have Dr. Lecter to guide my hand on that scalpel and to top that off…life has given me shows with the characters I need. People with the aura of quietness and deep dark that you said I had. If anything…this is as better time to start than any.
This is always who I am.
I’m just making it look good.
So until then…I’ve got oodles of time.