Have you ever felt as if you lead a double life? Have you ever felt that you have played a part you needed to play too long. Long enough to be unsure who is the real you? Have you ever felt like you’re becoming the worst version of your own self? A self that has keeps on perpetuating by the hands of society’s own perception?
The sad truth is alot of us do.
We know that throughout our lives we wear the masks of un-truth to protect ourselves…from people and even from our own self. There are some of us however that are forced to play constant roles that are not ourselves. Whether for a greater good or a needful purpose, some of us need to play those roles day in day out. But there comes a time when the line between those roles and the life we lead blur. When that happens…we’re in trouble. Makes me wonder how true Shakespear’s words are anyway.
“All the world’s a stage and we are merely actors.”
Maybe it’s just fiction, but I grew up paying attention to books, shows and movies where we all lead lives which are not of our own self or desire. Maybe that’s why I contently lead that life now. I lead the life where I play the fine line of your worst human being and that of your greatest ally. It hurts that sometimes I have to play these role. Whether bad to the ones who are good, or good to the ones who are bad. It still hurts.
It’s not fair.
I don’t care if it’s not fair to me, I care that it’s not fair to them. Not fair to the people who deserve good. Not fair to see them cry and you know there is nothing you can do about it. Not fair because good people still dies. Not fair because assholes live on and on. Not fair because you know that there is supposed to be a fairness. Not fair because good is supposed to triumph.
Or what’s a heaven for?
But for some of us, we cannot undo the damage, we can only control them the best we can. We cannot turn back the clock to a time when we don’t need to wear those faces. For some of us, we are too immersed in our roles to look back. For better or worse, we have become players in a merciless reality being either the dealers of fate or the fated dealers. There is a saying from an old show I’m recently watching again that reflects this.
“My shoes are too tight…but it’s ok for I have already forgotten how to dance”
If you actually understood that, I feel only but sadness for you…for I too share the same predicament. If you don’t, I hope that you never will.
None of us should deserve to understand that.