You know you have your own life to live. You know you have your own things to do. You know you have your own road to walk. You know you have your own destiny to run foward towards. But yet why do you always look back? Why do you always wish you would hold the life of another?
Why is it so hard to walk away from someone you care for?
Damn…I always give better advices than I take them. Sure I’m beginning to take the advices of others, but it’s becoming apparent that it’s pretty hard to take my own advices when I know it’s the best thing for me. It’s hard to just swollow down something you know is good for you.
Yes yes…I told you to life your own life as well. I told you not to worry about his life because that’s the reason why you did it in the first place. To walk away from the fact that you had to handle something you know you know you didn’t deserve to handle. It is your life to lead, your world to live in.
Then why can’t I do the same?
Every heartbeat of thought is punctuated by flashbacks of wonder and curiosity of her life when I know I have no more right to keep wondering. I know I shouldn’t…because I know at this moment, there isn’t a damn thing I can do. There isn’t a damn thing to back up whatever words that come out from this head of mine. It isn’t right and fair for both side to take the word of one so readily…
Especially with the life we both lead.
I know what I have to do. I really do…but it’s so hard to press foward by yourself knowing that we should have someone to rely on in times of need. It’s hard to keep swollowing your own pain because you see the same pain in others that you want to take away from them. It’s hard to be the friend to keep walking on the edge of pain and frustration and still try hard to make a friend in need smile and feel better about themselves. It’s hard to be the perfect friend who would watch out for the ones you care for knowing the pain you hold is eating you inside.
But that’s how life goes.
That’s why we have to take it.
I understand now what you meant by the fact that people like us could spend eternity doing what with do without being thanked for it. How people like us could walk down that road unrecognized and overlooked because we push for so little things in life. How one takes in whatever misery and horror as one can in order to make sure no one else suffers the same lonely isolation as themselves. I understand that.
And maybe there is a reason for it.
I don’t know.
If love for a person can kill you. Then hatred for yourself can save someone.
Maybe that’s the reason why some of us are here.
Maybe that’s why some of us grew up the way we did.
Maybe that’s what some of us are meant to do.
There is no greater duty than that.