Good Graces…

First of all I just like to appologise to Justin, Terrence, Jeanie, Sally and Grace if my face was particularly sour today. No I ain’t sore. I’m just…trying too hard to prove myself thats all. You’re her friends, I know you’d watch out for her like she would for each and every one of you too. I just wanted to not look like a failure to you guys. Guess it worked the other way round didn’t it? If ever I get a second chance…I’ll play nice…really I can.

She wasn’t lying.

I don’t know. It happens everytime…in every waking moment. I am who I am. A competitive bastard that’s all. I have always been ever since I can remember. Ever since I can remember people telling me I could never amount to anything in life. Ever since I can remember my parents always punishing me for all the almost-made-its that I got. Ever since I can remember the humiliation of defeat from other people who just was better than me.

Ever since I remember to start fighting back.

You spend your whole life living behind the shadow of people telling, showing and proving to you that they are better than you…either you accept it…or you fight back. No brownie points there for guessing which road I took.

But it has its price.

How could I simply look at anything else and see it as a challenge? How could I look at anything else and not see the countless people that walked all over me. I know…the past is the past. It can’t hurt me unless I let it. But the past can repeat itself…what’s stopping other people in my moment of lax from walking all over me? What stopping me from proving them right…that I am the failure they say I am. I never want to be that again.

I never want to fall down again.

So I appologise really…I know who I am. I know what I am to others. I just don’t want to seem like I bear any ill will towards anything. Whatever I hold…those are my issues. I don’t want to spill it all over the pavement. I really don’t…just that she makes sure most of the time that I don’t. She’s always there to remind me that ghosts will always be ghosts. She really brings out the things I never saw in myself.

If all’s good and ok. I still would like that rematch sometime.

Hey…can’t blame a guy for trying can you?

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