How Old Am I Again…?

I was watching the latest rendition of the Peter Pan story today. I know it’s a little late for that, but I never got around to watching it in the first place. It wasn’t bad. It’s a nice tale. We all know the story and how it goes. I think it was geared up more for children than adults. Neverless…it did give me something to think about.

Our childhood and innocence lost.

Pan is the boy who refuses to grow up…encasing himself in childhood adventures filled with fun and games…or in other cases…acts and deeds without dire consequences. He acts on his most inner desires simply because there are no prices to pay on his part. He is perpetually a child, without the care for the world.

But in many ways Peter Pan is more adult than alot of adults out there. He leads and protects his rag tag group of Lost Boys, he seeks to have Wendy as the female protector of his group. He is thrust into the nurturing role of an adult by making sure those under him know of consequence of disobeying his whim and whishes. Sound familiar to you? I don’t know about you…but that sounds like my parents to me.

So maybe Peter Pan really isn’t a child, but nor is he an adult. He’s a somewhere in between. Not yet a teenager, not quite a child. To me, Peter Pan represents the desire of absolute freedom. To do as we would do…to be free of the burdens of responsibility. Because isn’t that what it means to be an adult? To be responsible for your action and the actions of others? With Pan…there is no such burden, he travels where he wishes, does what he wants, tries to have what he desires.

Of course…the story teaches us one thing too. In Pan’s case…freedom of desire comes at a price. You cannot love if you have that freedom. Why? Because part of love is commitment, the commitment and devotion to your loved one. Pan may feel love…but with absolute freedom comes the disregard of all things that hold back the absolute freedom of desire…that includes love. Don’t get me wrong…to me love isn’t a chain that holds us back. But with love comes responsibility to that which you love. In Pan’s case…he does not wish nor has any responsibility…so cannot hold on to love.

So it got me thinking…when did I stop being a child and started being an adult? The day I realised that there is no freedom. The day I realised that everything we all do has a price to pay, has a upkeeps to maintain and people to look our for. The day when I realised that not even fun comes with a clean slate. That was the day everything changed.

Would I go back to those days of being a child? There are days when I would give anything for it. But maybe I’m not far from being that child…to have the freedom to choose your own destiny isn’t far of from the freedom to your own desires. Who knows…I guess we do have the Pan in all of us and we never quite lost it. Who’d have figured…?

Oh well…I’ve got my whole life ahead of me anyway. Past the second star to the left and straight on till morning…

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