How does any guy be sweet anyway? I mean…you take all that we are, all that we will be…and on average you got some serious case of testosterone poisoning. It ain’t exactly a recipe for being nice and sweet…and especially not cute.
So why bother?
Sometimes I just don’t know anymore. You said I’ve changed…but if you’re going to say that I’ve changed because I did it for you, I think you’re flattering yourself a wee bit too much. But it’s not far from the truth…maybe I’ve changed because of you. Maybe all this talk of opening the parts of yourself you couldn’t do alone isn’t baloney after all. Maybe for once…it does make sense doesn’t it.
Maybe I try to be sweet…cute even. But you know it just doesn’t cut it out. Too many people already know me for being the complete asshole that I portray myself to be. So I might as well live it up…as long as you know that real me. As long as you smile that secret smile when I be the person I have to be. As long as you laugh when we both know I so completely fail at being cute in front of you.
As long as you smile for me being me.
But I haven’t changed…you know that. Mellowed maybe. I snap less…thats for sure. I’ve got less testosterone poisoning in my veins (if only that could stop me from getting heart diseases). But it’s still there. Monsters may go to sleep, but they will never go away. It’s who I am. It’s who I made peace with a long time ago. It’s who I look to do the things I’m not usually willing to do.
I’m still that monster.
But maybe I don’t have to be the monster I let myself be. I can be a different monster. Really I can. Look at Mike Wazowski. Really…when I’m done with myself…you won’t believe your eye. I’ll always be the same…but maybe I can be something more. Something better. Same…yet different.
I know it scares you, but it shouldn’t. It shouldn’t scare you to think you’re going to be loosing all that. I STILL can’t act cute. I STILL can’t lighten up over those “petty” things. If there is a consolidation. I’m still an asshole…but saying I’m your asshole just sounds so wrong…so I’ll just stop there. Anyway…that isn’t the point. The bottom line is this.
You give me a chance to be me and not regret it.
In this world built on lies, facades and faces…I couldn’t ask for anything more. Just for you to keep that smile even in the dark of the night.
Always keep that smile.