It’s become increasingly obvious to even myself that I seem to be loosing focus on almost everything that I undertake. Every time I try to keep everything into a single frame of mind, I begin to get very very vivid flashbacks and daydreams that have nothing to do with the subject at hand…but with the personal mess of a love life I inhabit.
I have to keep a clear mind.
What I need is a distraction that works well for me on a small scale right now. What I need is something to help me move on from this constant drops in emotions and at least start mending the gaping wound inside. I know she’s doing a better job than me at this moment. That doesn’t help me aside from knowing that it IS possible to do it. Thing is…
What works for me the best right now?
Alright, so far you’ve wrote letters to yourself. I’ve told you to go hang out with other guys because it works for people like us…and you’ve picked up your little obsession on crystals again. That’s something that works for you I guess. I’m willing to give the crystals a shot. It’ll be funny to see a science guy like myself looking into these things to heal myself…but even that happens when I go back home.
What I need is something right now.
So what’s left? I don’t know. The ONLY thing that seems to be as good a distraction is the hours I spend in the lab doing experiments. At least there I can pride myself on the things I love to do. It’s not unlike blogging which I love as much as well. Thing is…I’m an undergraduate. I can’t lock myself in the lab unless I’m under supervisions from an academician or one of the lab assistants. So…that’s pretty much only twice a week for me.
I need to clear my mind somehow.
What else is there? I’m running out of ideas. It’s like a desert of distractions around here…unless I take up drinking as a distraction, there isn’t much I can work on.
Something to work on.
Something to work on.
It would have been so much easier to have someone I could talk to around here that shares my sentiment in person. That would be a great way to keep things in perspective in perspective rather than have it leak out at odd moments. But I suppose a person in my position will have to find another way.
I need to clear my mind.
I need to close the wound.
I give myself something to sleep to at night.