In the weeks that passed since the start of my bottom valley like emotions. I’ve been trying very hard to keep busy, with some catastrophic disasters that loomed when I wasn’t looking. Then again…things are starting to pick up. I still don’t know what to feel. I still don’t know how I should feel through all this. But all I know is that foward is the direction I should be headed towards.
Which is why I smell a project coming soon.
To anyone who HAS been with my blog since the beginning, you’d know that I have absolutely NO idea how to go about building a webpage…and everything that’s been done so far has been through a sheer clueless state of mind. After all it took me a week to design this site and another week to troubleshoot all the bugs…then it took me another 3 months to validate my HTML which must be some sort of record for a site like this.
I am bordering HTML illiterate and definitely CSS blind.
Whch is a wonder because I’m going to try and install Movable Type next.
Yes…I am going to install a server based blogging program…without any prior knowledge of how to go about doing it nor the capabilities to start fiddling around with the HTML and CSS. If this works, it’ll probably take me 6 months to validate the HTML instead.
This is something to see done alright.
And all this to keep busy you say.
I know I know. I have to keep busy…but still doesn’t really stop me from thinking things. Doesn’t stop me from feeling lost. Doesn’t stop me from feeling empty aside from the slight satisfaction of seeing something get done. That’s what I am now. A sea of lost emotions in a spiralling whirlpool towards an empty dark place. Keeping busy is just an excuse not to direct all that hard break on myself…but I still acknowledge it.
That still doesn’t make it any easier.
Anyway…pushing myself to the limits is the only thing I know how to do best at this moment. I couldn’t do any less to save fragments of a shattered world. Even if it kills me…anything is better than being trapped in a replayable torment of catastrophic failure.
Be that as it may.
The price that I have to pay.