Sometimes you have to forgo the things you want only to come back to them later to get them. How could I have forgotten that needful things sometimes come in the form of the what we overlook the most? To think that some of the hope I need to most comes from my own effort to rebuild my own sense of self.
Which comes to another question.
What is my sense of self?
Am I any good at the things I do? Or is it all a facade that I’m good at pretending to be? In that case am I any good at being the things I am not? Is that what I really am in life?
A pretender of all sorts?
I don’t know.
Sometimes I think that in doing so many things that I started out to be bad with, somewhere along the line, the line kinda blurred between who I am and what I am. So much so that I’m starting to question if I ever do reach the end of the line.
Would it be me at all that crosses that line?
Or would it be the the parts that I pulled together to get to that end?
Would that be any different?
I certainly don’t know.
All I know is that she does indeed miss me for who I am. Who I used to be. That man whom made her laugh. The man who always took it easy and would never try hard to get what he wants but just get it anyway. That man who knew how to say the right words at the right time.
The man she used to love.
Forgo the things I want to come back and fix the things I need.
I think she wanted that all along.
I think I needed that always.
I think that’s exacty what I’m doing.
Just needs alot of hard work to keep it all together that’s all.