Not What You Think…

Why must people be so melodramatic at times? Sometimes I can’t understand why it happens. I mean…fine maybe it’s because I decided to throw away all the things I feel. It’s easy to empathise with others yes…but its hard to understand the reason behind it when you can’t picture yourself in that position. Or maybe it’s the fact I’ve grown sick and tired of the bitter emotions that pour out of people these days.

I don’t want to blog about the bad and bitter things all the time. I really don’t. But it’s just that everywhere I turn, someone’s got to cry, someone’s got to be pissed at something, someone’s got to be depressed, someone’s got to be bitter. As I’m blogging about this right now, someone’s pissed about something and I have a bad enough headache to blind me from figuring it out on my own…which makes it worse.

The only way I can feel some form of solice is I write it down…right here right now. Is that why most people blog or write diaries? To vent their feelings? I can walk away from people that annoy me, I can drown out my own mother’s constant nagging…but when I can’t escape something that pisses me of, I damn well better start doing something productive. I just have to have an outlet to vent off all the frustration of not being able to do something about it.

So you’re angry, so you’re bitter, so you’re frustrated. Well I got news for you…please don’t take it out on me. I can listen to you…I can even be your occassional punching bag. But I will not make it a habit out of you. Sometimes I can’t be there for you because I got my own life to work out as well…please please understand that.

I’m just so mentally drained these days. Maybe it’s the constant 3 hour a day sleep. Maybe it’s the constant headache. Maybe it’s the ever changing issues in my life. I’ve got to get a grip on myself first…but by doing so…I’m forsaking others too. Is it so hard to just say the things I always said to you when you’re in need of comfort? I’m not God you know…I’m not even genetically enhanced yet. I need to make sure I don’t fall apart first…

I need to go back to the beginning…where I can rely on the most. Practicality. I need to settle my own life first before I can smile and say it’ll all be fine. I need to close my eyes and rebuild the things that hold me up before I can take the hand of another.

I need to take back control of my life…I need that control back…

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