How many of us have searched for a group to call friends. How many of us have wished to find a place to belong? How many of us have felt frustrated and isolated by the fact we no one to turn to, no one close to look up to, no one to call our group, our posse, our friends, our band of brothers (or sisters…or both)? How many of us have just tried so hard to have something close enough to be family?
How many of us have failed so many times looking for it?
In my own quest to find somewhere to belong, I’ve walked so long, I’ve seen so much, I’ve done alot and I’ve endured alot. In the end…I may be a little closer to finding what I want…but I’ve still got a long way to go and my goal is nowhere in sight. Then again…maybe it’s all for something…maybe it’s meant for me to learn the price of it takes to get there…because in the end…maybe I will find my own niche and it’s best that I don’t walk the road of mistakes myself.
Throughout my life I have always wanted to be with the popular kids. I mean the people who always had other people like me lookking up to them. People who have everything in their group. Wealth, influence, intellectual refinement (but not necessarily capacity). Like all people with my similar plight, I have dreamt about it, I’ve tried to reach for it and I have hated it in the end.
Because the truth is the we hate the desires which we cannot attain.
That’s the sad truth. Even till today, I cannot say I dont wish that I had the money to go places, buy scores of books of from general fiction to serious literature, have at least a car to go places let alone spend money to go overseas or know other people of high positions and fame. There is not a day that goes by that I have some small wish for that kind of life…or even a fraction of it.
But in the end, all I have is myself and the small success I have.
It’s not much to call for, neither is it really attractive to others…but it’s all I have to show for. Sometimes it hurts to see that other people’s opinions and value are higher because they know people or they are wealthy. It really hurts when you have an idea that you can’t take high because you’re not refined enough, cultured enough, “in” enough to get the support you need. All I ever wanted is a place in the world where my opinions do matter to be heard.
Is that too much to ask for in life?
I don’t know…some days I get the distinct feeling that I will never be up there, that in the end I will always be out there. I will never sample the taste of ChÃ¢teau Le Pin Pomerol but instead spend my time drinking Coke that comes out from the vending machine. I would never say I metfamous and well known people at dinner parties in posh exclusive country clubs, but just thought I saw someone who looks Ringo Star down at the bowling alley.
Yes…perhaps there is a reason why I wasn’t meant to get there. Perhaps success isn’t defined by the wealth that we have to show for…but in the impact of the action that we did. That it isn’t our opinions we rant about or the culture that we see or read, but the fact you can stand up and say:
“I saved a person’s life but it’s all in a day’s work”
It’s the fact that you’re directly doing something for the world out there that you’re writing your success in your own right. Maybe that’s all that it takes.
I don’t know. For me, that’s all I can look foward to. A life to smile when the last person on earth is cured from cancer. To laugh when the human race reaches a new golden age of advancement. To feel at peace to hold your kids in your arms and know that you’re making a difference for a better world for them to live in.
Yeah…maybe its best to find friends you can count on to see you through rather than that of power and influence.
Then maybe they’ll share in that success together.
Then maybe you would have found what we all have been looking for.
Then maybe you won’t have to be alone.
Then maybe…we should all keep looking a little bit longer.