I need a break again. I’ve been sitting here on my bed for more than 48 hours doing nothing but eating, watching Noir and Futurama, sleeping, having a LAN party and of course…studying. The only time I get up is when I want to cook, go the toilet or even bath. Which reminds me…I need to go bath. I haven’t taken a shower in 48 hours. I know I know…I’m a dirty pig, you knew that when you fell in love with me in the first place Then again…
You try bath everyday when it’s dry and cold out there.
Wait…I know you can do that.
When I look back on my notes here right now, I can’t help but wonder what I would be doing right this moment if I had chose a different path in my life. Everyone tells me I should be doing something else. I should be doing computer sciences, I should be doing psychology, I should be a writer, I should be a journalist, I should be a cook. Every job as different and varied as the next.
It’s just hard to see where I would be if I was that.
It’s hard to see where you would be if I was that.
If there was a question I always wanted to ask you was that was meeting you again some trick of fate? Was seeing that smiling face of yours again some plan that life set in motion? If I had taken any other courses of my choosing, would I have still met you? Would we have our forevers and a day? Would we have our one hours? I don’t know.
It’s scary to think of all the roads that I’ve walked, all the choices that I have made before would bring me right here. Right here in a room listening to Blink 182 playing Stay Together For The Kids…which I can guess is another one of life’s messages to me for some reason. What that reason would be…well…its funny how we interpret what we see…but it means a whole lot to me.
In the end, I guess it doesn’t matter.
It would be nice to know how well an alternate version of myself would be doing. Whether I would be married. Whether I love what I was doing. Whether I would be successful. Whether I would be with you. Whether we would be the same as we are now.
If life was as straightfoward as the cellular adhesions that bind every cell in our body together. It won’t be any easier to understand…but at least you know it to be have no other possibility but what is put in front of you. But…life’s not going to be that merciful in any sense when you start thinking about it. All I can do is what’s right in front of me at this moment.
I’ll just have to get past an exam first.
Futures and possibilities will always be there to ponder.
And we’ll be there to figure it out together.