Sometimes its hard to tell yourself that what you do has a greater calling to it. It’s that hard to surrounded by people yet feel so alone at times. But day in and day out I have to remind myself that its the sole reason why I allow myself to lose friends. There are days when I want to break down and just wish it all away wish I didn’t have to know of the consequences of what I know. Wish that I didn’t have to to feel obligated to try and fix things.
But I can’t now…I can’t cry over what I know, I can’t turn back the clock and live a life like most people. That door is closed, I will be who I am, I can’t change the events of the past…but given knowledge of it…I can at least do what we’re all supposed to do. Make a difference for the future.
But just for once I’m allowing myself one small regret to the people that were there for me, who stood by me until they could not stand no longer. For both in the past and the future. Hard as I am, it is one thing I will always look back to and regret with every part of my heart, these people were the paths that would take me to a different place the place where I wish i could be but can’t. It is that which I have to regretfully decline and one I have to live with with every waking moment of my day.
Well…back to studying though. I got my UniChem and Biochem paper tomorrow. Shouldn’t be too hard, but then again I better not let any insecurities catch me at the last moment. So all the more to be prepared….Onward to the books….