Insomia has hit me lately. Partly because this time I can be accused of thinking too much. The other reason was because my room mate snores with the decibel level of a jackhammer. But snoring doesn’t matter much to me…aside from it interrupting my train of thought…I can generally sleep through it.
It’s just something on my mind.
It has been a very very eventful few weeks for me. My girlfriend broke up with me, I’m have battled assignments which were due in slightly more than 25 hours and I am still recovering from a flu since 2 weeks ago. There are more…but I doubt it’s actually significant enough to record anyway.
At the end of it all, I realise one thing. What I said before was true. No matter what happens…I will grow from all this, I would change and it shows. It shows so much that life HAS taken the interest of showing me exactly the place to go from an exact similar situation one of my friends is going through. Though…is being hammered down and being melancholic deep inside a sign of maturity? No…I don’t think it’s it. I’ve got to ask her in what way I have grown up.
I just don’t know if it makes any difference now.
It’s just that in the times of need, I realise now that I do have people I can count on at least on a superficial level…and maybe on some levels, a tad bit deeper. It’s not as much as to have a finality to the situation…but it does give me some distraction from all the stress I’ve been on.
In short…I finally have a social life.
The thing is…I’m starting to realise that for a social life, it feels better than the one at home. These are people whom I can relate to, whom I can connect to. I finally have my own posse. One that while having every chance to ditch me doesn’t do it at all. They ask me out knowing I might not be able to go. I can talk, play and work with them…even compete with them without ever feeling the dire need to be the best.
Then where would that leave me when I come home?
Here is the ultimate proof that I can be everything I can be with a clean slate where I am not judged for my looks or my belief. Where there is no bad impression to live by all the time. Back home…it’s a different story.
It’s a different story simply because there is too much bad blood and unconnected ties to begin with. At least in the circle I know. I’ve been an immature ass for way too long that people stop trying to see any good left that I have…and that always hurts. So when it comes down to it. The people I connect with the best are the people whom I type to online.
Which isn’t much of a social life. No…I suppose it isn’t. Then again it’s all I have at home.
Maybe that would change. It should change anyway. I don’t know much about making friends in an instant. That good a social surfer I’m not and never will be. So I figure we’ll go back to basics. Start on what I know I do best to make friends right now.
Or more specifically…blogging.
Maybe it’s time I start flexing what’s left of my social muscles back home.
Which means alot more blog meets to go to.
Hopefully there would be that chance even though I’m light years behind others.
But it’s a start and that’s good enough.