I’m done. Today is the day I have finished the last of my finals. Though I don’t think I have done myself any good because there sure were alot of holes in the papers I did. I pray that at least I don’t go down in flames. For the sake of all that will come to pass. I hope that I get grades I need to keep going.
With all the strength that’s left.
I need those grades.
In 3 days, I’ll be home. In 3 days, there is no room left to run but face up with one of the greatest tasks of my life. To find what was missing. To rebuild a life that was lost. To take back the lost hope of sins past. To give the spark in the darkness of the night. To win back that peaceful smile.
To set all the wrongs right again.
To create that future we always wanted.
When I look back on the last 5 months. I can see it hasn’t been the easiest 5 months of my life. I don’t think it has been an easy 5 months for her as well. Knowing her…I don’t think she made it easy on herself anyway. Just like me. Two halves of a whole…wallowing in our own insecurities. It’s amazing how things that can fit can be so fragile.
It’s not that easy to work out things from who we are.
But by God I’m going to try.
5 months of isolation from the things I was used to. 5 months of pain being away from the person I love. Almost 2 months of sheer physical pain being officially single. If pain is a great teacher. Then I have to be superhuman by now…yet…I feel no different than I was before. Except for one thing.
I know what I want.
And I’m getting there.
People may say things that works the opposite of where I’m heading. I don’t mind. People have always been saying things in the opposite direction than I was heading ever since the beginning. Maybe in some small way…I welcome it. Maybe in some small way it is the words that inspire me to push myself to the inch of life to get to what I want.
Who’d have guessed I’m a rebel being the inflexible guy I am.
But that would explain why I always seem to fail whenever someone wishes me luck or when someone says I’m doing a good job. I don’t know. It’s funny that way. But when your parents never once praised you for doing your best…you take amd make use of all you can get. That’s the way it works for me.
So yeah. Pain. Words of impossibility. Isolation.
Sweet songs of success for the underdog that knows what he wants.
I guess in the world that we exist in.
That’s another way of finding a road to live by.
It’s better than the cold dark apathy.
Anything but that.