For the first time in a week, I finally managed to get some sleep. I guess I really needed it after what I’ve been through. It has not been an easy week for me. It has most definitely not been an easy time for me lately. Maybe in the beginning its was, but then somewhere along the line, I guess mistakes were made. Mistakes that change lives.
Now we have to make the best of them.
Truthfully…it’s still surreal for me. Me…single? Me…losing the person I’ve love. After 4 times before, you might think you’re used to it. But it never is…lifestyles change with a change in environment. Your world changes when you know it’s no longer the same as it was. As it is…I’m caught between a dream and a life I know I have to push foward. One one side I don’t accept this, on the other is the one that fights to survive.
Then again, no one said you can’t live both.
Which is probably what I would live. I mean…yeah…realistically…I lost her as my girlfriend. Then again, one thing about people whom you believe are your soulmates is that somewhere along the line, they are also your best friends. They are the people you can count on when the chips are down and people you are there for when the time comes. Maybe I’m a dreamer and a romantic, but…I don’t want to lose her either way.
It’ll probably hurt to see her with another guy or being somewhere else. Hell I know it will. Then again…if Anita Blake’s Rules has taught me anything, it’s that people like us have a cold dark place to go to always for comfort. If there isn’t anything you can do with what you see, do something you know you can make a difference.
If she says she’ll always be there for me, there is no shame in the loss of your honey, because I know I can count on her to back me up when the chips count. If we both were contract killers, we’d stand back to back against the odds. If we we’re both scientists we’d butt heads all night trying to solve the problem at hand. If she wants me as a friend, she’ll have the best friend anyone could ever have because that’s just me.
Maybe I can never really stop loving her. I probably never will, but…I guess in the end, it’s about what we do for the people we care for that makes the difference. We all have to take things one step at a time. In matters such as this…possibilities are endless and often unpredictable. No matter the odds now, I still believe in hope. I still have faith in love.
If anything I’ve learnt a long time ago is that faith changes destinies.
I guess that makes me an optimistic romantic. Which is something you don’t usually expect from a budding sociopath.
Then again, when you’re standing alone against the cold wind.
You got to take all you can to stay warm.