It’s always the pain that we fear the most isn’t it? It’s always the pain we fear so much…but yet…it’s also the pain we depend on so much. Depend on it as much as it tells us that we are still alive. Depend on it as much as it tell us we are still in love. Pain…something none of us can ever run away from. Not now, not ever.
But that doesn’t stop people from trying.
I don’t know. Maybe it feels like as much as I’m hurting, there isn’t much sympathy. Her parting shot seemed to indicate that I deal with it because she’s hurting more. Not much sympathy there to rely by as much as I’m trying to give. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if people didn’t try and run away from their responsibilities.
Which comes to an interesting point.
What are our responsibilities when it comes to something like this? It became increasingly obvious to me recently that there are two kinds of people in this world. One that stands by their own plight and one that walks away or chooses to ignore it. Now no one is perfect, we all have walked away from our own misery before, misery that is part of our own responsibility. I have done it before, even Anita Blake has done it. If my heroine could…
Then I guess there isn’t much problem there.
But everyone learns.
“He had gone mad, and he had slaughtered innocents. Jean-Claude had imprisoned him, waiting for me to come home, waiting for me to live up to my responsibilities instead of running from them. Damian had been one of my object lessons that you either embraced your power, or others paid the price.“
Whether you have powers or not, none of us could live in this world without realising that in the end we share responsibilities with the people around us. Each and every one of us has a role to play in every one of our lives…some more important than others. But many of us constant run away and shy from the increasing amounts of difficulty and pain that life gives you as you grow older. We walk away because we are scared…scared of what pain does to us, scared because we don’t like that pain.
And that fear makes us weak.
I have been blamed for many things…including that I delude myself into suffering for no reason when I could walk away because I’m trapped in my own world. But in many ways I know I have less personal squabbles then people who try to ignore the problem. Nothing really goes away…I’ve learnt a long time ago that life is a vicious cycle, if we don’t deal with it there and then, it’ll always come back and bite us in the ass.
And it’ll hurt more.
I don’t want to hurt any more than I should. I don’t want anyone else to hurt more than they should especially her. I just want her to be happy…which is something I’m willing to put my own happiness away first because I’m dealing with this problem, I accept my responsibility and I’m not going to walk away.
You can’t ride a torment out. You can’t choose to deny it. You can’t choose to stop thinking about it. You can’t afford to be stubborn about it.
It will always be there for as long as you don’t heal it.
And I’ll always be there to walk her through that road.
I hope she eventually understands.
I pray that she eventually does.