When you’ve been blogging for a long time, there is no doubt that you’re going to amass a large amount of archives that store the memories of your past should your blog be a personal one. So when I was looking through my past posts trying to find some hint of inspiration for my articles. I realised 3 important things.
- My life is a roller coaster of changing events and emotion.
- I seriously needed a search function for my archives.
- I have a headache.
The last 2 is another story for another day. The first one is something that has been on my mind all morning.
Reading through all the things I’ve done and all the things I’ve felt and experienced within the last 2 years. It’s just amazing how much I’ve seen and how much things have happened to rewrite the entire perspective of how I see life. It’s just amazing how lucky I have been and how everything balances it out in the end to put me back right where I started. On the other hand…
It’s weird to see I’m still heading in the same direction dispite all the changes.
It’s always the same thing in life I seem to look for. To see through to the responsibility I’m bound to and to free myself from it in the end with the reasons in which was worth holding on to.
Yes…I guess that’s a pretty vague life goal, but it sounds a lot more dignified than saying I want to change the world by wiping clean our current genetic line and replacing it with a better version of what we should have been while spending my life with the only person in my life that makes me better than I can ever be alone.
I think that pretty much can scare the bejesus out of anyone.
But looking through all that memory past, it’s easy to see that the scars and constant hurt are more than the bliss which I lived for those few moments. Yet for some reason, all those ugly scars are worth every good that comes by. To look back and know that for those moments I was genuinely happy as a person who never before have a single reason to be truly happy for.
In those moments I found the freedom from the responsibility I was bound to.
That made me proud of the scars that constantly remind me of the mistakes I walked through life doing.
That made everything worth it.
So enough of this silly sentimentality for now, It’s only been 2 years for God’s sake. There’s still a lifetime of memory to put down here. Who knows? The winding road is always unpredicatable. If the next few years are going to be anything like the last two. It’s going to be amazing if I can survive the coming storms alone.
But it can be done.
It has to be done.
It’ll just have another scar on my arm to etch down in the end.