You know when they say all luck comes in threes. They weren’t joking. It’s definitely going to be another long 24 hours for me again. It’s just that…yet again…the AC adaptor plug on Sarah kinda went screwy. Not something a technogeek like me would want on the eve of his finals.
This is not a good thing to want at all.
But I suppose in some large karmic way, there is no way I can stop things like this from happening. I knew it was bound to happen one way or another.
I knew that small ounce of good yesterday had to be a fluke one way or another. I didn’t expect it to be this.
At least one thing’s for sure. It’s easier to leave your heart out of things when you start focusing on the things that need to be done. Sometimes…that is necessary in the lines of work that we do. Sometimes…we can’t let ourselves be consumed by the tides of emotions that come our way in the face of what we do.
Sometimes…it can kill you.
I know I know…passion is something we all need…and we can’t really be human if we begin to lose the parts of ourselves that holds our hearts. But…I suppose I don’t want that now. I can’t start feeling the things that tear me up inside and commit to the things that need to be done at the same time.
That good a person I am not.
Things within the last 24 hours have been…painful to say the least. But…as always life would go on and I know it would right itself one way or another. All I have to do is bide time for now. Hold back the everything I feel to do the things I need to do. Hold back parts of me to be there for the people that need me. Hold back the things I feel for the job that’s going down within the next few weeks.
Hold back the screaming torment of pain’s past for a timeline that needs existance.
I just hope the next 24 hours would be much better. I just hope that whatever I’m pulling of right now won’t go to waste. There is only so much I can keep in before I pull the trigger. There is only so much limit one person can keep inside before everything burns up inside. In any case, there is not much road left to do things.
In any case…this is what I have to do.
I got to stand by that door again.
And this time…
I have to be happy about it.
There is no other way.
I should know.
It’s my life.