The Continuining Conversation…

Damnit…why are you here again?

I told you I’d see you again.

Doesn’t mean I would like it any less.

Its not suppose to.

What do you want from me?

I think the question is…what do you want to know from me.

Do you think I’ve lost another person in my life?

I think you never had much people to keep in your life in the first place.

Except her.

Was she ever yours to keep in the first place?

You know the answer to that.

I want to hear it from you.

I guess she wasn’t.

She never was.

Then why did I feel like I belonged to her?

Because it is something you never gave up on.

What is?

The need to belong. You never did give up on that idea.

We all have to belong to someone or something…or what’s life for if it doesn’t have a purpose to hold on to.

That may be true. But you do not have that luxury to have people around you.

It isn’t fair.

You know as well as I do that life isn’t fair. It’s either you accept it or you don’t. If you accept it then take the shit along with the good. If not…then you’re better off doing something else.

If you aren’t living…

Then you’re better off dead.

Accept it or you don’t. I think I lost someone else again today because I said that to her.

They can’t help it. No matter how much you try and let people see who you are…they will never understand what you loss or what you want. Ideals for a better life is good and all…but it doesn’t apply to the world you live in. You know as well as I do people will never see past the things that they need.

What do they need.

Why do they come to you in the first place?

Don’t I wish the first things that starts of with is just…nothing related to problems or a prelude to a problem.

It’s who you are. It’s what you were born with. Ask yourself this…in all the people that do start off with that. At the end of the day…do they feel better?

Yes.

They why are you complaining?

Because it can be nothing more than just a comfort for them to move on with their lives.

Like I said…then why are you complaining.

I have my own life to lead.

OPEN YOUR EYES!! This IS your life!! Accept it or don’t accept it. You were born with destiny to change life in any way you choose to. How many lives do you think you’ve walked with over the course of the years. How many lives have you been a part of…influencing it…shaping it.

I…don’t…know.

It doesn’t matter whether or not you want to. You will always be the nexus of crossroads for other people. Power and responsibility like this has a price to pay. You cannot pretend that you can live the life of a picket fence, a wife and 2 children. That is something you give to people…not something you can have for yourself.

Then what can I have for myself?

The choice of how you shape those lives. The choice of how you live the rest of your life. Life is not finate. Just because you can’t have the life you gave to people, doesn’t mean you can’t find another life you can call your own. Its just accepting that this isn’t the life that you can live…and finding one that you can live in.

I don’t think there is a place in this world where I can find a home in.

That is your choice to hold true to…but you know where home was before.

I guess I do.

So home does exist in this world for you.

But…

No buts. Life is not finate and neither are the possibilities. You see the possible futures…but not the definite road to be walked on. Until you accept that you will always walk this road of solitude yourself…you will always be alone.

That’s contradictory.

Since when does the words you speak make sense to anyone at first glace in the first place?

It doesn’t make it any easier.

The greatest things in life never are.

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