Since I don’t think I have time to blog much anyway for the next few days because of that 30 article deadline on Friday, let me get right down to the point which is usually unheard of for me.
Why is it that all the women I find interest in and have an interest in me to a degree are either having an identity crisis or are already taken? Why is it that while I know so many women personally, I’m either their best confidante or some kind of “big brother” they can lean on when the chips are down?
Why can’t anyone like me in the way that progresses to more than just that?
Or at least act on it.
Yes, I know I’m too old to be thinking of all this. It’s just that it’s frustrating to know that sometimes good guys (or at least I assume I’m a good guy), find ourselves one of the loneliest most overlooked guys around. We always seem to be standing around people without the slightest trace of comfort on the level we want.
Social love life aside, it’s part of the bigger thing that has been nagging me ever since I was a kid.
It’s frustrating to feel as if you’ve put all your effort into something, done almost everything you can without crossing that line and still not get the results you want. It’s not about doing things for rewards sake by the way. It’s about doing something for a goal. I mean, I don’t help people because I want them to acknowledge me. I help people because I don’t want them to feel alone the way I do. I don’t expect rewards for that.
It’s about all the other things I do that doesn’t seem to work.
I mean, you try to be sociable. You try and get out more to the best my wallet can sustain me. You laugh and loosen up more these days to my best efforts dispite your own bleeding heart. You try and be more spontaneous to at least show people “Hey…I’m not always the rigid smartass egghead I appear to be“. You make so much an effort to not remain in the shadows.
Yet…you still are.
And at the rate you’re going…you will always be.
It just seems that everything I do, everything I put my heart and soul in is just underappreciated and overlooked by the world. I know I am but a speck in the history of time, but at least let me have my mark long enough to be as good as the rest of the people I look up to along the sidelines.
It’s something to watch other people take for granted something that comes to them naturally.
It’s another thing to watch yourself have nothing you work so much to try and get.
It’s one more thing to pray everyday for something good to stay with you.
It’s another thing to know that you still have to keep moving without it.