The Invisibles…

Since I don’t think I have time to blog much anyway for the next few days because of that 30 article deadline on Friday, let me get right down to the point which is usually unheard of for me.

Why is it that all the women I find interest in and have an interest in me to a degree are either having an identity crisis or are already taken? Why is it that while I know so many women personally, I’m either their best confidante or some kind of “big brother” they can lean on when the chips are down?

Why can’t anyone like me in the way that progresses to more than just that?

Or at least act on it.

Yes, I know I’m too old to be thinking of all this. It’s just that it’s frustrating to know that sometimes good guys (or at least I assume I’m a good guy), find ourselves one of the loneliest most overlooked guys around. We always seem to be standing around people without the slightest trace of comfort on the level we want.

Social love life aside, it’s part of the bigger thing that has been nagging me ever since I was a kid.

It’s frustrating to feel as if you’ve put all your effort into something, done almost everything you can without crossing that line and still not get the results you want. It’s not about doing things for rewards sake by the way. It’s about doing something for a goal. I mean, I don’t help people because I want them to acknowledge me. I help people because I don’t want them to feel alone the way I do. I don’t expect rewards for that.

It’s about all the other things I do that doesn’t seem to work.

I mean, you try to be sociable. You try and get out more to the best my wallet can sustain me. You laugh and loosen up more these days to my best efforts dispite your own bleeding heart. You try and be more spontaneous to at least show people “Hey…I’m not always the rigid smartass egghead I appear to be“. You make so much an effort to not remain in the shadows.

Yet…you still are.

And at the rate you’re going…you will always be.

It just seems that everything I do, everything I put my heart and soul in is just underappreciated and overlooked by the world. I know I am but a speck in the history of time, but at least let me have my mark long enough to be as good as the rest of the people I look up to along the sidelines.

It’s something to watch other people take for granted something that comes to them naturally.

It’s another thing to watch yourself have nothing you work so much to try and get.

It’s one more thing to pray everyday for something good to stay with you.

It’s another thing to know that you still have to keep moving without it.

8 thoughts on “The Invisibles…

  1. …hmm, so you would like a little more appreciation from others than what you are getting (or not) now?

    how about being happy and appreciate yourself, regardless of whether the world out there see it the way you do.

    good thing you don’t expect rewards…and you know that you are a good person, etc. see, you got all these reasons to be happy already. 

    Posted by Soul Doctor

  2. Oh there are even more things I do because of what I want for myself. If I can’t begin to appreciate my own works, I think by now I would really be suicidally depressed. I have to take pride in my own works if only to be content that I can do something in the world.

    But no man is an island.

    A man’s worth is determined by the friends he has. We’re all connected in ways that we can’t accomplish on our own. Telling yourself you’re good is one thing. Knowing that at least you can do something from others is another. 

    Posted by Edrei

  3. Edrei, i read the above, and i feel you man. I feel the same way dude.

    I try my best to be mr.nice. And at school, i was even voted the nicest person. Yet, i’m no where near as popular as the other kids.

    Being lonely sucks big time. Like during birthdays, i sit and watch as the more popular kids get suprise birthday parties, and tons of presents. And on mine, i dont get a single wish from anyone. It’s like i dont exist to others, or i dont matter at all.

    So i try being nice, hoping that someone will like me, and will remember me, or try to be a friend. But nope, never works. I try to help others, just generally being really nice, and letting them take advantage of me, in hopes of being more likeable in their eyes.

    Bout those girls that see you as their crying shoulder, well, they arent the girls for you then. They dont want anything more than just a friend with you. Sorry dude, gotta keep looking then :'( 

    Posted by Izuan

  4. you’re not underappreciated. chances are, you feel you don’t deserve the appreciation people feel towards you. it’s part of the kinda altruistic thing you’ve got going on: not asking anything in return for the help you give.

    i used to feel unappreciated, that people never acknowledged my patience and contributions. but that’s not true. when help is given, most of the time it is taken gratefully. i realise that people do thank me sincerely, that they do acknowledge that i exist not just to help them, that some effort was definitely put into it. only last time, i didn’t feel worthy of that appreciation, maybe because i never got appreciation from my family, not in obvious ways anyway, so i never felt that it was necessary.

    i dunno. maybe that’s what it all just is? 

    Posted by jaX

  5. Izuan: Yeah man…it’s always the underdog to be the nice person. It’s as if life is telling us one thing, that we should be wild and insane for people to at least notice us and it just seems so tempting until you realise that’s not you after all. Nah…the girls that always see me as a crying shoulder are really not for me, it’s just an example anyway of the lack of opportunities in the face of things that’s all.

    Jax: Hehehe…I seriously don’t think I don’t deserve appreciation these days. These days I take whatever I can get because it really feels good to have people finally notice the work that you put alot into. I never even had much appreciation from my own family. It’s just…seriously overlooked…and I always wished someone would take a look at my work ever since I was a kid. That’s probably why I always pushed myself to know more and do more. It’s only natural. 

    Posted by Edrei

  6. i wasn’t sure who gave me this advice, maybe it was you or maybe it was someone else, can’t remember exactly, since I suffer from memory loss =P

    the minute u stop searching for something, you’ll find it.

    if it was you who gave me this piece of advice, then i know u don’t even listen to your own advice. take it fr a person who is exactly like that, JUST LISTEN TO THAT ADVICE!


    Posted by the one

  7. You know I’m just as stubborn as you right…:P

    Besides…I don’t want to stop trying to be better anyway. Everyone always has that upper hand at something. The least I can do is be happy that I can match them at their level. 

    Posted by Edrei

  8. Yes, I can so relate to trying to change and yet, somewhere someone still refers to me as the ‘nerdy rocker’.

    And by writing as someone else, you could write without being a hypocrite. Sometimes it’s a relief to be able to poke fun of yourself. 

    Posted by Albert Ng

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