It’s exactly a month now since I’ve been gone from your side. Gone from the moments spent looking into your eyes. Gone from the physical security you gave when you held me in your hands and smiled your sweet smile. Gone from the moments you made me feel more worth than I could ever feel in my own.
You’re not the only one regretting the distance.
Time does pass by so fast doesn’t it. Here at this time, the days are short and the nights are long. It’s been a months now since I left. In 3 more weeks, I’ll be having my spring break. In another 7 weeks, I’ll end my semester with whatever friuts I have hoped to have achieved over these past and next few weeks. It is fast isn’t it?
Then let it be that way.
Let it draw ever closer till the end of this shattered moment.
Sometimes the distance is excruciatingly be painful. Sometimes all I can do is draw the strings of our dream world and wrap it around me like a warm blanket and never feel like coming out from it…only to wake up to is an empty bed devoid of your serenity and peace. Sometimes I wish I could drop eveything and return back to you, to whatever future we can make from where we left off.
Then I remind myself why I’m here.
It hurts to see others have who they care for beside them…with their sweet nothings and private moments. It hurts to constantly force yourself to wake up trying to remember where you are and what you’re doing there. It hurts to put down the phone to your voice so full of the life you have the love you keep giving. It hurts to not be there to wrap my arms around you to comfort you from that same dark you released me from.
It hurts to be so far and so useless.
The only consolidation is time. Every passing second, of each wandering moment, of each arduous footstep foward, I know it’s for a purpose…even if I have to beat myself silly to remind myself that. I know there will be an end like a day of recovery from a delirious illness.
I know when this is over, I’ll wake up from a long weird and uncomfortable dream and remember I live in my own house, with a balcony with the overlooking stars, with a kitchen and the teppenyaki stove in the middle, with the pool in the backyard where there are 2 dogs and a penguin, with Sandra and Seymour staying up late talking to people online, with a job saves lives and students who give me a headache at times and finally with you in my arms and your hand on my chest, sleeping so soundly, so peacefully to the gentle sounds of crickets and the occassional owl hoots and the constant carresses of my hand.
So I’ll keep rowing the boat Ju…for this moment in life now is nothing but a dream.
In the end…it’ll all be worth the long slumber.
It’ll be worth it.