Have you ever had a dream that you felt so sure was real? What if you couldn’t wake up from that dream? How would you distinguish between the dream world and the real world? Wouldn’t it mean that you’d forever be trapped running the dream over and over again…twisting it into a nightmarish prison you cannot escape from?
Dream TV…where your dreams of being naked in high school are broadcasted to everyone?
Now that’s a nightmare you really want to escape from.
It’s just that one way or another you cannot help or stop the way they affect you so much. One day you’re dreaming a really good dream that looks at your friend at a whole new way. The next day you could be trapped with your own personal demons, locked in the never ending sequence of “what ifs” and “what had beens”. The sad thing is…what if your nightmares are better than the life you live in now? I know the answer to that at least.
I don’t think I would want to ever wake up.
I did dream of her last night. You know the former love of your life still profoundly affects you when you still dream of talking to her. It’s almost the same dream as I had before just in a different time and place.
“Both of us have to move on before we can be together again.“
“But I have learnt to moved on.“
“But maybe I haven’t and pretend that I have. But just give me time.“
We talked, we laughed, we cried, we shared memories…but all of it, are just my brain synapses trying hard to make up for the parts of me that still tries hard to get more than a decent conversation out of her every once in a while these days.
It’s hard living that double life of accepting what has happened during the day and secretly hating your own life during the night. To laugh during the light then wake up to a tear stained pillow the next day. It’s hard when you know you’re so helpless against your own personal shit when you still stand strong to be there for the other people who call you a friend.
I don’t know.
Damn that dream brought back a lot of memories and shook a week’s effort of trying to at least cheer up from this constant emptiness at home. I really got to get up and do something. At least get my mind back on track before I can at least pretend I’m cheerful.
Who knows…I might find something useful to do with myself anyway.
Yeah…and I can only dream right?