The Nightmare Before The Blog…

There comes a time when a part of me needs to wake up and spew out words that when cobbled together seem to make sense (also known as philosophy). Looking at how long that last sentence was…I would be guessing that time is now. Looking at my situation right now…maybe even I need it myself.

One way or another we all fall into the pit of where we don’t want to be. Somehow one way or another we start to move on don’t we? Somehow one way or another life does indeed go on…but not without something taken or given. Drastic changes in our lifes where we are at our lowest will always come to 2 roads.

1. We try and ignore the problem and force ourselves to move on.
2. We try and ignore the problem and still run right smack into it anyway.

Ignoring the pain and trying to move on with our lives is one of the things everyone does the best. For good reason too. No one likes the pain and no one likes a problem…especially the ones that mess with our minds. We distract ourselves with work, idle things and other people. We run far away from that which hurts us the most thinking that it’ll go away anyway.

It works…but there are always prices to pay in the end.

Taking myself for an example. I’ve fallen into the pit where there is no way out but through the things that are the source of my own pain and torment. It’s not enough for me to distract myself from that pain. Everywhere I turn and everywhere I look, I will always be reminded of what I lost and what I’m going through. I can’t laugh anymore without remembering why I really laughed before. Sleep is no longer a way to run from the pain because I am reminded in my dreams of the what I want the most.

My body is a shell for the darkest side of love.

It’s not something that anyone can just walk away from.

Yet…life has to move on. I still have to do my finals. I still have to come home not knowing what to expect. I still have to keep walking through this mire of twisted spikes called concequence. I know what was taken from me. I know what I lost…but I don’t know what was given in return. I don’t know the equal value of this sacrifice…

And yet I still keep walking.

I have lost people I want to call friends because I tried to share the pain which no one wants. I have lost more than my fair share of dignity through the humiliation of my situation…

And yet I still keep walking.

I could spend years asking what did I do to see the hell I thought I came out of so long ago…but it doesn’t change a thing. I am in hell and it’s still my job to see that people can reach their own heaven. It’s not the easiest thing in life. It’s not the most friendly place in life.

But it’s still life.

And yet I still keep walking.

I just wish that she would drop and say hi. I just want to know if I meant something in her life enough to wish me my best. I just wish we could just talk like before, sharing things in our lives that meant something more than the superficial world we live in. I just wish I could see her smile to know I’m there thinking about her.

I wish for alot of things.

But I should know better.

Because this is the world I live in.

There are heavy burdens that everyone of us have to carry.

This is mine.

Whether or not it would kill me eventually.

I have no choice but to keep walking.

And walking…

And walking…

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