Sometimes I ask myself how much logic my heart can takes before it caves into nothingness. We all to some extent are always interested in hearing out stories of sociopaths who do things without remorse and compassion. What happens when those sociopaths are in our own lives? To hear about them is one thing…to experience them is another.
Being sociopathic sometimes can’t be all bad. They fight deeply and passionately for what they believe in. They love greatly what they set out to do. They always get their job done in the end. They are meticulous hardworking people. They can be deeply introverted, showing what resembles care for their own principles and all that surrounds it. It’s not all explosives and mass destruction towards every single human being. It’s just what principles they hold on to…what they fight for, live for and would die for.
But yet…It hurts to know them…be involved with them…to love them. You cannot find anyone more stonehearted than a true sociopath. No one less guilty and compassionate for things beyond what they believe in. They are the people most likely to destroy the very people they are supposed to protect and love…even if they don’t mean it. Their world is a single minded track, all about focus on what needs to be done, often disregarding anything that doesn’t matter to the tasks at hand even if that means the people that cares for him.
Maybe I’m drawn to the sociopaths of the fiction because I don’t want to see myself as a sociopath of the real world. People like Dr. Hannibal Lecter from Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal and Edward/Ted Forester from Anita Blake are the few sociopaths I look up to. The few characters that portray, if any, peace in their lives for what they do. Without care for the world that would hunt and judge them. If that isn’t true peace…then I don’t know what is.
Am I a sociopath? I don’t know…all I know is that when I really do things, I do things without regards to other people. No matter what the costs it will be done. For such I allow myself regret for the people I have hurt so deeply. I hope somewhere along the lines, they can come to understand why I do the things I do…and hopefully forgive me for the pain I have brought into their lives.