Chances are within the next few days I won’t have enough time to blog at all. Given the amount of things I have to do, the social arrangements, the packing, the getting things done and of course the leaving…I’m surprised I actually have time to get some sleep.
That is…if I can sleep at all.
I guess I’m still dwelling over the insecurities that still haunt over and over again. To think I spent the last 5 or 6 years trying to purge it from my life to find that it has always been there…staring…laughing back at me because there seems to be nothing I can do about it.
The sense of unimportance.
The position of being laughed at.
The solitude of your own failures.
It’s hard to prove your worth when you got no material goods to show for. It’s hard to have the sense of real contentment in your life when no one truly appreciates whatever hard work you have given yourself to. All you have to show for in your life is the trail of misery and hate that you have been the root cause for. All you can ever hope to see in your life are always the words but never the hand of appreciation or the comfort through a failure.
Life may be too short for me call it miserable, but heaven and hell operate on a different time frame.
20 years is still a long time when you’re standing by yourself.
Then again…we all have to pay our price for living in life.
I’m just not sure how much more is left to pay.
I’m just not sure how much more I can give.