The Slow Moving Line…

To those of you who know me personally, you’d know I’m one of those people who’d rather have a root canal (I don’t know why that just reminded me of Leen) than admit that he needs help, admit that people are there for me or admit that other people are right.

So it comes as quite a surprise and shock for some of you to know that within the past two days I have admitted openly that I need help from people and that there are people being there for me.

Might as well throw the bomb on this one as well.

Yes you guys are right.

Maybe that’s all I needed to hear, that people will be there to woice out things I dare not say or feel things I don’t want to feel within myself. I know I can’t be angry, I can’t hate or do things otherwise towards the way she acts around me because it is my choice. It’s something I have to live with because I know things that other people don’t. I am the story that other people hear part off.

As monumentally stupid as it may seem, as illogical as it is beyond my own character as a sociopath and a technogeek, anyone who has ever risked so much for a love that DID work out in the end would understand.

Some things are worth alot in life to let go so completely.

But I am letting go, not by heart and soul completely but at least by words and action. As much as you, you and…well…alot of you say it’s not worth it. Then again, why should I stop chasing after heaven when I have already tasted and lost it? If life is about purpose and goals, trials and tribulations, suffering and growth.

Then she is indeed as I said before the sole reason for me to live life.

You can’t give up on a purpose no matter how unreachable it may seem.

But for now, to reach whatever goal and purpose in life, I have to take myself away from it if only to recollect my own sense of self worth and any dignity and self confidance that I lost when this hell that I have been living for months dropped down upon me.

There will still be nights of restless pain and torment. There will still be days of wonder and self doubt. But in the end, there will just be me with the life I surround myself with. Whatever joy and pain that comes with people. Whatever success and failure that comes with the job. Whatever peace and darkness that comes with reality.

In the end.

It’ll just be me living the life I want to live.

And be content if not happy for the life I have before me.

That’s all I can do.

That’s all any of us can do.

5 thoughts on “The Slow Moving Line…

  1. dude,

    i feel u. having love and lost before it doesn’t take a genius to know that it hurts. but still all is not lost. maybe it wasn’t meant to be. there’s always a reason for everything.

    the say that the reason that we get hurt is for us to really cherish the one that we finally end up with.

    my 2 cents worth.


    Posted by this is not Acat

  2. ill be supporting you for as long as i can be there for you and as far as u would accept me as a F R I E N D… do know i sayang u damn a lot… its good to know ur finally doing what you shudve done earlier..i miss the happy ol ed… cheer up ok??! u marah me i dont listen to you… it wouldnt be fair if u dont listen to me… were all here for you!! mmm… ur not online or sth.. not replying 

    Posted by shana

  3. Acat: Well…cherish, appreciate, devote, sacrifice. What more can anyone give when you really are commited to a future you want and desire anyway.

    Shana: Yeah I left Sarah at home. Talk to you later ok? Thanks for standing by anyway…:) 

    Posted by Edrei

  4. I don’t really know you personally but having followed your wonderful blog for quite sometime i can pretty much guess what you’re going through. So as a friend, i’m here to help you out in anyway i can, to the best of my abilities πŸ˜‰

    Cheers!!! πŸ˜€  

    Posted by hyelbaine

  5. WHAT!?…. left sarah at home??? thats new…hehehehe.. letting her go also?.. poor sarah.. she must be home alone again today.. 

    Posted by shana

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