The Thought

This is the last of my 3-parter Depression Poetry I found lying around.

The Thought

Throughout my life I have thought,
All the havoc I have brought.
Over the paths never before crossed,
To the places I thought I have lost.
From friends hurt though I felt fine,
To things I always took for mine.
Human, maybe I am…or maybe not.
Could be life’s a sham, untrue all I’ve sought.
Understood not the horrors I have seen.
My soul lost to places I have been.
Such dark future unsure, The whole existence a blur.
Truth be told I am cursed in a way.
The memory of my sins torture me till this very day.
To know if ever I am to peace everlast.
My destiny, I must forge from the ashes of my past.

How many of us wake up one day and suddenly understand themselves or at least have a sense of purpose to guide themselves. Better yet, how many of us find this purpose by ourselves and not directly take it from any sacred text? I don’t know…to me, that was a long time ago, finding the answers to this blank existance of life. At least now I know I have a purpose, a goal. Everything makes sense even though it doesn’t immedietly make sense. Does that make sense?

A few days ago I was sitting on top of my nearby hill with my girlfriend. I felt so alive then. Having the person I love just sitting beside me, and staring down on my neighbourhood at the top of the hill on a windy cloudy day. How can anyone not feel so at peace? It’s like for those few moments in time seem to stop and I feel that everything in life is so perfect.

Of course it’s not perfect, the moment I step down from that hill, it’s back to the fray…but it’s my retreat, my point of meditation. The place I return to remind me what I’m fighting for…eternal contentment. Maybe I need to return back there again. These past few days and the months ahead of me will be trying. Got to have a way of controling all these conflicts. Maybe I’ll head there this weekend with my girlfriend. Yeah…that’s the best idea yet. Oh well, got to eat lunch, then I’ve got a meeting to attend. Council business. Sometimes, life’s just easy going…makes you forget you’re fighting a war.

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