Gee…I can’t believe it has become so easy to just stop posting once you gotten so used to it. Sorry for the complete lack of updates anyway.
It’s just that, a lot of people have been saying how depressing my blog has become because of my current condition with my own relationship. As much as that didn’t use to bother me, it made me realise that if in real life people stopped being around me because I was hurting…then would it be the same online?
I don’t know.
So yeah, I was trying not to blog about any depressing stuff at all. Which was kinda stupid in a way because it turned out that everything I had in mind was depressing in the first place.
So is that the truth my life right about now?
A nexus of events that force me to feel nothing but misery of loss and failure of my own lack of personal self achievement? A quicksand that spirals into an ever growing isolation and loss as my own demons push the people I want with me away from me?
It became so easy to bury myself in the work, the games and my new found way to get out of things once in while – the drink – that I forgot that my blog is that outlet that shouldn’t have any consideration of what people think or say about me. It hurts so much to try and forget about my need for one person to hold me by my back and make the pain go away that I’m pushing my own body to the brink of self destruction just so my mind can focus a little bit better like before.
To think I had to collapse on my bed yesterday with a fever to have all those thoughts flash by my mind. Gee…I guess when you’re sick, you really have nothing to do but think about yourself and the fact that you coughing your lungs out with stuff that refuses to come out.
I tried so hard that I’m willing to let the hunger eat my own body inside out.
But some misery can’t be let go without the right person to hear.
Some sorrows can’t be burried just by yourself.
Some things cannot be healed by time.
It just gets a whole lot worse.