Life just never stops to remind you that you’re at it’s mercy doesn’t it? How many times must it remind us all that one minute you can be one of the most contented human being on the planet without a care for the world, and then the next minute you’re on the edge because all those reasons for contentment are the smoke screens to the ever unravelling thread of your perceptive reality?
Pain is the key word of the day. Oh it’s nothing much…a really painful knee and a broken and bleeding thumb nail. Then the usual headaches, the constant tummy ache and this weird repeated muscle pull on my chest all the way to my shoulder. I don’t know which should be worse, the fact that I am physically hurting bad or the fact I don’t pay any attention to it all. I know I should be doing something about it…like see a doctor or something, but I don’t know…it’s just…well…it’s nothing at all…I’ll live.
Then there is the whole worry thing. Things that you can’t avoid that just gives you that tight knot in your stomach. Things that are so big that it gives you that surreal feeling…like it can’t be happening to you but it is. I try to close my eyes and deal with things one step at the time with priorities first, but no matter what, it’ll always come back to those few things in mind. It scares me to play it all in my head…but I can’t help it. I can’t stop it from playing and I very well can’t shut the voices up. All I can do is ride it out and make sure I don’t fall off my chair doing so.
There are days when I just don’t feel like fighting anymore. This is one of those days…but damned if I have to anyway. It’s not something that can be stopped. Life doesn’t give a damn whether or not you keep fighting or cry uncle, it just…keeps on moving. I just wish I could crawl up in a hole and wait for everything to right itself…HAH…I’d probably have to get in line with the rest of the world. So the least I can do now while I’m waiting is to keep doing whatever I can to make sure this fragile life that I built around me doesn’t completely fall to bits. Someone’s got to save me…might as well be myself.
Now if any of you folks skipped to this last paragraph because you thought I was babbling incomprehensibly…then you’re probably on the right mind. Some days even I don’t make sense to me. I probably skipped to this last paragraph myself…and…there I’m babbling again. One of these days I’m going be found wandering the streets talking to myself. At this rate…it’ll probably be soon.
Man…how would I write my blog then…?