Thoughts In The Rain…

Rain rain pouring down…how you eternally hit the ground. It has been raining for a good 20 hours and it shows no signs of letting off. It’s a strange land to get used to. One moment, the stars shine so clearly in the sky like rivers of jewels, the next moment the sky just never ceases to stop its gentle drizzle.

But I’m not really complaining.

It’s days like this which I live for. There is nothing more appreciative than a cloudy day where all you can do is lie back and be lost in your own thoughts. All you can do is listen to the gentle monotonous drops of water hitting the roof like some natural lullaby that can put even the most troubled of minds to sleep. Of course… being where I am right here, right now, my mind is never far from thinking about one or two things.

You.

I sit back and think not of how much I miss you because it is useless to think about it. I know I miss you. You know I miss you. Our mails itself are already saturated with sweet nothings and the neverending “I love you’s”. What’s left to think of is what we have both shared.

I remember the scratch. I remember the chess. I remember the Last Vampire. I remember the corridors. I remember looking for you. I remember the secret understandings. I remember the songs. I remember the coincidences. I remember the nights we spent talking online or on the phone. I remember the days when we just sat down and just talked. I remember the first time we slept together in the council. I remember the first time you cried on my shoulder. I remember the 7th floor. I remember the times you spent at my house. I remember the shock on my face. I remember the playground. I remember holding you until dawn. I remember the first kiss.

I remember what I will miss.

Then again…I remember what I have done and what I had to do. I remember the hurt I caused. I remember the mistakes I made and the past I regret. I remember fighting so hard to change everything. I remember risking all that I had to never lose you. I remember holding you so tight…pleading you never to leave me. I remember the tears. I remember the words. They are…part of the past as we all say. But I will always remember them.

I have been playing this song over and over again today. I wish now I had this to give you then. Maybe it would have been something we would also share between us like the other songs we share. It means something to me as I hope it does to you.

You’re pushing me back.
But I pass right through you.
I’m slippin’ through your cracks.
I wanna get close to you.
But you just won’t let me in.
You’re pullin’ away.
So my hands can’t touch you.
So you can’t feel my pain.
And there’s no secrets.
Between you and yesterday.

How do I get through to you.
How do I get through to you.
That there’s no one in this world.
Who wants you more than I want you.

You hide behind walls.
From the one’s that love you.
The one you fear you might fall for.
And it’s hard to ignore.
The error in your ways.

How do I get through to you.
How do I get through to you.
That there’s no one in this world.
Who wants you more than I want you.

You must be so lonely.
You must be so lonely without me.
You must be so lonely.
You must be so lonely without me.

How long must I wait.
For the sun to finally rise behind your eyes.
Or will you throw it all away.

How do I get through to you.
How do I get through to you.
Cause there’s no one in this world.
Who wants you more than I want you.

But it’s all ancient history as you said. Which is why I smile when I’m thinking this…a testiment of memory to everything we went through to get to where we are now. If this is the life we have been through together all this time. I can’t wait for the next eternity together. Even if I have 3 lifetimes to pay. Even if I have an eternity of embraces to give. It’ll all be worth everything that we have been through and everything we are going through.

You don’t have to let other people tell you that it’ll be fine. You don’t have to let other people comfort you over the loneliness. You can do that. I can do that. WE can do that.

It’s our world to be in and no one elses.

Let’s live in it like we have always lived.

Together.

Forever.

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