Tomorrow And A Long Post…

Another day…another translated song. I don’t know whether it’s my subconcious looking for things that aren’t there or life is really giving me things at the moments I feel them. At the rate I know my life and how it’s been working all this while, I don’t think I’ll find out the answer any time soon.

Together we searched for a place to hide.
As we ran in the rain.

Even if I loose something.
There’s one thing I must protect.

That’s the meaning of my birth in this world.
I’ll go search with you even if it maybe painful.
While clinging onto the fresh scenery around us.

The prism reflected the orange of.
The sunset when the breeze slips through my fingertips.

I wish I could devote myself to you so.
I want to become more gentle for you.

Even if I collect the light which fills this world.
Within my pair of hands it’ll light up the darkness.
So I won’t get lost as it shines in the long continuous journey.

That’s the meaning of my birth in this world.
I’ll go search with you even if it’s painful.
While clinging onto the fresh scenery around us.
Let’s travel further away.

It’s hard to concentrate on what matters when you don’t have the things to set you straight all the time. It’s hard when you realise you’re the only one who sets you right. Now…this has to be the case in the end when we learn that at the end of it all…it’s always up to us to do the things we set out to do ourselves. Then again…in it’s own perspective.

I seem to be only there for me from the start.

So lets say that whoever reads this post are my friends and this is my way of confiding to you parts of my thoughts I can’t possibly do by myself. In that way…at least I could concentrate better on something important at the moment. I know I know…I’m setting myself up for criticism and I know alot of you are sick and tired of me being melancholic about my posts.

I guess that’s the way things play out for the time being.

Maybe it’s the love stories that have been getting to me so far. I think I’ve watched and read a fair amount of them over the course of the weeks. Ending the last one with a manga called “I’s” which is your love story which makes my life seem less complicated.

Doesn’t really help the fact that I’m supposed to be studying.

It makes me look back on the things I did right and wrong in my life. I don’t regret any of it. You know me well enough to know I don’t regret it…and I know I can’t change any of it. But…it makes me jealous I guess of the endgame of some stories whether real or not.

I’m far past cynicism at this rate. I’m too much of an romantic idealist to be jaded let alone bitter…but…I don’t live in a world of illusions. I never could. At any rate when I’m just beginning to believe that things can work out for some contentment or happiness in my life. Something comes along and takes away my self worth. Things that make me feel good about myself.

Yet because of my upbringing I stubbonly soldier on to the hopes that there HAS to be a happy ending somewhere in my life. It’s a matter of understanding the perspective of my pain and losses which adds the possibility for more disappointment.

It’s a vicious cycle.

No…I don’t think I can live your life of cynical bitterness you call realism. No…I don’t think I can give up that dreams will remain just dreams. No…I don’t think I’m a man likely to forget the pain of the past so easily. No…I don’t think I can stop trying to change a world that changed me.

I don’t think I can walk up to anyone’s expectation.

All I have is my own to work on.

I am who I always was.

I’m my own meaning of my birth.

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