All’s calm before the storm as they always say. I don’t know how much more relaxed I should allow myself to feel waking up and feeling better than I ever felt within the last month. I know it’s something I should appreciate…but seeing my life so far has been nothing more than a roller coaster of events that seem to be designed to tear my heart to shreds using nothing but the G-forces alone.
Feelings like this can leave you almost paranoid that you have it.
Then again…if it is to last the next few hours or even minutes. At least let me write with a clean slate of mind unlike the past few week which even I think is pushing the melancholic factor a little.
It’s ironic that within the last few days, there is a remarkable amount of role reversals in my life.
It’s a funny term. Though…I’m not talking about boy trying to be a girl and vice versa…or anything like that for the matter. It’s more of…changing the roles of what we do. From something we don’t ever see ourself doing to a role whereby you felt like it’s been your whole life.
Anyone lost on that sentence so far?
I hope not.
But yeah…for the past few days I’ve been the one to be helped and I’m the one helping in ways that I needed help before. It would be funny if the situation didn’t look so sad. I don’t know…maybe I don’t understand the level of dogma from the help I’m recieving…so I’ll leave it as that. But…to see the person who gave you what you wanted to see for so long suddenly become the person you tried so much change inside.
You can’t help but feel sad.
Then again…a part of me doesn’t understand it. Some of us spend most of our lives trying to find friends who would always be there for you. Why do you have to shut yourself out when you have people who would be there at no cost? We were always born alone…but you had the gift to call people to you, but you deny yourself the full power of that gift. You deny yourself a part of who you always are.
You deny me as well.
It’s amazing that a little over year ago, it would have been you that would be lecturing me on the value of friendships and never would have left my side dispite the mistakes I made. Now…it’s time for me to stand by your side. It’s not that I love you as well. It matters on the most basic level of what we both do the best.
You are my friend.
Friends watch out for each other.
True friends accept each other for who they are and what they are.
True friends will always be there in the darkest of times.
This is where we are at our darkest.
This is where I’m here not just for you. I’m here with you.
Screw being alone.
I’m going to wake you up if that’s the last thing I do.