Now I know I've gone from just plain crazy to past the line that usually gets the attention of people in white coats holding a straight-jacket. I don't know whether it's just one of my random push to distract myself at a depressing moment with something useless or it's just my paranoia getting the best of me at a crazy time. What ever the situation may be, one things for sure.

I definitely am crazy to actually put my picture here.

But I suppose that's not really the point anyway. The point is something that some people have been pressing me for all this time. I have a very low self-esteem issue when it comes to how I look at myself.

You can thank the remnants of a normal social upbringing for that. There came a time when I finally stopped caring about how I looked and started caring more about the only thing I can change about myself.

Who I am inside.

In the end, I guess I always thought of myself as one guy who isn't going to be noticed much by people because I'm just a person who doesn't have what it takes to look good…and I'm not just making it up too. I can stand in the middle of the bulk of my girl friends and be as unnoticed as the mall bench as they will turn heads at the cute guys.

Hell…I think I reached a point where I hang out with girls so much that can tell whether a guy is cute and haven't the foggiest clue about how a girl looks like.

Hmmm…that would explain the rumours about me being gay.

But that's another story and we're moving off point again.

Technically I put my picture there for the one reason. To test out a theory that other people have been saying about me. By looking at my pic right now you can have two possible outcomes:

1. You find it appealing.
2. You run around screaming that you have been blinded by something horrible.

If you are still reading this, then I'm assuming you have scrolled down enough to not be blinded in horror by my visage.

So coming back to how I actually look like in all this. Is it just enough for me to look the same as I always was because I already look good? Or are my insecurities and paranoia justified in that I do need a makeover to how I should look? I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There is no one who knows this more than me, but it's just so confusing and hard to understand why people have been saying I do look good.

It just eats me up inside to have a need to know the general consensus.

To think I can be this crazy enough to post something like this. But there is no harm in knowing anyway.

I might as well get this done and over with anyway.

Then never speak of it again for as long as I live.