Vanity Thy Greatest Sin…

The Horror!! The Horror!!Now I know I’ve gone from just plain crazy to past the line that usually gets the attention of people in white coats holding a straight-jacket. I don’t know whether it’s just one of my random push to distract myself at a depressing moment with something useless or it’s just my paranoia getting the best of me at a crazy time. What ever the situation may be, one things for sure.

I definitely am crazy to actually put my picture here.

But I suppose that’s not really the point anyway. The point is something that some people have been pressing me for all this time. I have a very low self-esteem issue when it comes to how I look at myself.

You can thank the remnants of a normal social upbringing for that. There came a time when I finally stopped caring about how I looked and started caring more about the only thing I can change about myself.

Who I am inside.

In the end, I guess I always thought of myself as one guy who isn’t going to be noticed much by people because I’m just a person who doesn’t have what it takes to look good…and I’m not just making it up too. I can stand in the middle of the bulk of my girl friends and be as unnoticed as the mall bench as they will turn heads at the cute guys.

Hell…I think I reached a point where I hang out with girls so much that can tell whether a guy is cute and haven’t the foggiest clue about how a girl looks like.

Hmmm…that would explain the rumours about me being gay.

But that’s another story and we’re moving off point again.

Technically I put my picture there for the one reason. To test out a theory that other people have been saying about me. By looking at my pic right now you can have two possible outcomes:

1. You find it appealing.
2. You run around screaming that you have been blinded by something horrible.

If you are still reading this, then I’m assuming you have scrolled down enough to not be blinded in horror by my visage.

So coming back to how I actually look like in all this. Is it just enough for me to look the same as I always was because I already look good? Or are my insecurities and paranoia justified in that I do need a makeover to how I should look? I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There is no one who knows this more than me, but it’s just so confusing and hard to understand why people have been saying I do look good.

It just eats me up inside to have a need to know the general consensus.

To think I can be this crazy enough to post something like this. But there is no harm in knowing anyway.

I might as well get this done and over with anyway.

Then never speak of it again for as long as I live.

8 thoughts on “Vanity Thy Greatest Sin…

  1. Havent been here for quite some time. Oh about your pic: When I looked at your pic Ed I feel the darkness in my heart is urging me to play Utopia.  

    Posted by Sinatra_Z

  2. dont care what ppl are gonna say on this but… still think ur cute… so id pick 1!!… definately not ugly but adorable just cute as it is.. actually… i can think of ways to make u look handsome… perhaps another day then.. ta..cute!! 

    Posted by shana

  3. GAAA! *Runs around screaming*

    Dude, I hang out a lot with girls as well. But seriously, I still can’t tell if a guy is cute. I can still tell if a GIRL is cute though… 🙂 🙂 :) 

    Posted by eyeris

  4. Jax: I’ll try keep my hair longer.

    Shana: Meet me FIRST, then we’ll talk about it.

    Eyeris: It comes with listening to alot of girls. You begin to think like one. 

    Posted by Edrei

  5. Ed, now you really look like the dude I have a crush on.

    You’re right, he does look like you a bit. Or vice versa.

    😀 So no.1 applies… just wrong name *slaps forehead* lol. Damn bro.

    You’re not that bad-looking la… look at me for God’s sake. I do suffer from low self-esteem in terms of my appearances, but heck, what matters is what’s inside, right? Think of the song Roses by Outkast.

    You know I wub you nuff for that.

    ^_^  

    Posted by Chibster

  6. hi, Ed. i found you through BlogClicker. it’s very brave of you to post your pic and ask people what they think of your looks. we all need to know once in a while that we look, if not hideously ugly, then at least ok. i put my pic up, too, probably for the same reason.

    i totally relate because i have the same issues. no matter how many times my husband tells me i’m beautiful, part of me thinks it’s a cruel joke. instead of hearing him, i hear the kids from grade school making fun of me.

    you’re absolutely right–what matters is what’s on the inside. i guess people have to work on that first because if you feel good inside, you won’t care about the outside.

    hope that makes sense. 

    Posted by barb

  7. The thing people have to understand is that we look the way we are meant to look. This is nature we are talking about – why the struggle? Do you think that the trees weep over the variety they are? A rose cannot be a lily. I am certain that one breed of dog doesn’t lose sleep over not being a breed with droopy ears. I think my look changed in my late teens as my self confidence grew. Now that I am much older and have gone through numerous years where appearance was the main thing, I can honestly say that one’s looks mean very little in the grand scheme. I think our inner beings project outwardly in such a way that our physical look can change. Maybe what you are seeing and putting forth in our world is the image of the wallflower that lies inside you. All of nature accepts how it appears – it’s only us humans that seem to be in an endless struggle of wishing to be something they weren’t meant to be. 

    Posted by blacqbook

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