Wandering Distractions…

These wounds won’t seem to heal.
This pain is just too real.
There’s just too much that time can not erase.

You used to captivate me by your resonating light.
Now I’m bound by the life you left behind.
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams.
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me.

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears.
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears.
I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me.

Something about these lyrics that always haunt my thoughts everyday recently. Then again, they always pick the right moment to play whenever I walk over the hill back home in the evening. It isn’t really much help that the evenings and nights here are so beautiful that a large part of me wishes I could share that night with someone. Also in restrospect it’s not exactly a wise idea to be reading stories themed with love against all odds.

There has got to be a better way to snap myself out from my situation.

I’ve decided to hold off drinking regularly in order to distract myself because it’s just too stupid really to do that. I know the problems are going to be there when I sober up and I’d just have a worse enough headache by the time I do face my problems.

As if my ulcers aren’t enough of a reason to stop already.

So…if the solution isn’t really distracting myself from my own self misery, it comes back to the problem of keeping my demons at bay. It’s hard to seal a hole that continously pours out whatever it was meant to keep back. Things like that can’t be repaired in a short frame of time and they certainly can’t be repaired properly by just one person.

Make me wonder what the old me would do in a situation like this.

Hah…the problem is, I would probably stay there for the person no matter what, making sure that they will never be alone and always will be there to say things that make it all better in the end.

I can’t really do that with myself much can I. It kinda defeats the purpose of having someone there to stand by you through thick or thin…which is probably what I need most at the moment. Despite all the echoes of pain I have at the moment, maybe all I needed was someone who was like myself that spoke the language I spoke to make even truths seem comforting in the darkest of the night.

That’s why it made sense I stood by her in her own dark night as well.

It’s sad that I still wish for someone to stand by me in the shadow of my own dark as well.

And watch the sun rise to a day where anything is possible.

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