What I Face…

Yet again the age old debate of being religious, being malay and being the best you can be has sparked out throughout the Malaysian bloggersphere with things like this, then this, followed by this and then this. For the most part I try to stay clear away from things like this simply because I’m tired of being involved in it. I’m tired of trying to explain myself to both fronts and not being understood for who I am or what I’m really trying to do.

For the most part I feel like I have been caught in the middle of a silent war that has been going on even before I was born. The question of what it means to be mixed is no longer an issue. I know for a long time that I am Malay and will always be regarded as one by the society. What it means to be a person who is a foward thinker and the consequences of me being a Malay. Now…that’s an issue I’ve been trying to deal with a long time.

I have explained on March 6th about how I continously take the road less travelled among Malays because I believe that we should all earn what we get. Now of course I have been disappointed, frustrated and even complained about my plight like in yesterday’s post. But I have never once blamed other people’s race or religion for what I did or did not get. I mean…why would I. Yes…I have been at the brunt of being shunned because I’m a Malay…or because I don’t think like a typical Malay.

But I for one swore I would never go so low as to become those that prejudice other because of their racial blood or principalistic beliefs and ideologies.

So yeah…not like it matters but my girlfriend’s chinese. For the most part…the women I fall in love with are chinese. Not because I dislike my own blood…but because for the most part they are people who can choose to think outside the box. I am attracted to intelligence, deep darkness of the mind and a spunky, outgoing, know-when-to-take-charge personalities. So yeah…forgive me if my head is turned the other way.

Just that…of course I am going to be at the brunt of being question for being the her boyfriend. Her parents, well…we will handle that issue eventually. The friends for now…though few in numbers still hurts when they question why I am her choice and that me being Malay has anything to do with it. It hurts. Not because I’m Malay…

But because they are judging on my race rather than the qualities I posses.

Do I not work as hard as you? Do I not face the same avoidance as you? Do I not lead the middle road in life when it comes to my choice of beliefs and ideologies? Do I not strive to be free of the hypocraisy that has us trapped in a desperate cage?

When you cut, do I not bleed?

When you tickle, do I not laugh?

What more do you want of me?

All I want is to be accepted for who I am not judged for what I am or what others did. All I want is to be friends with you who are her friends. All I want is just the simple acknowledgement that I’m ok enough to be with the girl I love because I don’t want her or my children to go through the same kind of problems I did.

I don’t want to raise my family to believe that race or religion matters because it doesn’t. I don’t want to raise my family to think that TV shows are detrimental to the welfare of my children. (hell…you think our kids should be allowed to watch South Park anyway). I don’t want to raise my family to take things for granted but one that earns what they get instead.

I want my family to be free of that hypocritical cage.

I just want them to be left alone from all that prejudice.

While this post may be forgotten in times to come, my resilience and determination to fight that that prejudice will not. For as long as there I am who I am in the blood that everyone wants to see, I will not rest until I set things straight for a better future. For as long as people will fight on both sides, I will not rest until everyone understands that its not about what you believe, who you are or what you’re fighting for.

It’s about the acceptance of who we are inside and the good of what we can do.

Everyone deserves a slice of peace and happiness.

Why not start by giving it to each other?

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