It’s been a long time since I tucked someone into bed and wished them good night after a little bedtime talk. I miss that feeling. I missed the feeling so much that I forgot how it’s like to actually tuck someone into bed and wish them well…and as far as it goes.
It’s always a nice feeling.
Then again…it’s always me to start rationalizing why is it a nice feeling. Maybe it’s the fact I never really remembered having someone doing that to me when I was a kid. Maybe because I do it only after a time of trouble which makes me feel better to know that the other person feels safe and cared for. Which I also had very to say for myself as a kid.
It’s amazing how much our past comes back to affect us in our lives. It doesn’t matter if we’re bitter or happy, open or closed, it all comes back to how we got to those points in our lives. It’s the same reason why we always say to other people that they can’t understand us unless they walked in our shoes.
It’s sad that sometimes, the closest you can ever come to understanding a person is when your life is almost parallel with theirs…which is pretty damn rare itself. Even me, a person who seems to understand a lot of people in my life…its not complete. The only reason why I can understand people is because at the end of it is…I understand how it feels for the losses and isolation other people feel and I deal with it from that aspect. But there are very few people in the world I walked the same road in.
I try my best…sometimes though…it’s not enough.
The saddest thing about all this is the fact that those sentiments are never really returned. There was only one person in my life that walked the life enough to understand completely how I feel. Well…you all know what happened to that.
But then again, things like that build on my life…it makes me do the things I do. Live the life I live. Pushes me to do the things I care for deeply simply because I made sense of all the things I live for. If I had a choice to relive my life again…aside from the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with, there is nothing else I would change about my life. If it meant abandoning the people I held up all these while. I wouldn’t change my life for it.
I don’t regret my life…at least not by much.
At the end of it all…as long as someone else’s life makes more sense than it did an hour ago, then at least all the pain I went through isn’t in vain. Everything happens for a reason…even shit. It gives a sense of optimism to the darker things in life…which is what I usually need to do to live my life day after day…and to give an answer for the person you tucked into bed.
“Why are you always so kind to other people?”
“Because no one else was there for me when I needed them the most.”
I switched off the lights, closed her door and stepped back into the cold dark world where the stars are always out of my reach.
It’s a good thing my stories always have a sequel.