Most people don’t bother with the why of love, they think it’s completely inconsequential. Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you actually know the reason why you’re in love with them in the first place. Yes…good logic, one that I would usually beg to differ.
Just because you love someone, doesn’t mean you have to stop thinking of the reasons why you should keep on loving a person…especially when you’re not entirely clear why you love the person in the first place. It’s just common sense…one that would avoid the unecessary complications later. It’s one thing to fall in love for the wrong reasons…it’s another to be completely oblivious to those reasons.
I’m saying this right now because maybe I have found the reasons why I care and why I always have loved for some people. It’s not enough that I have some undesireble need to solve every puzzle that interests me, it’s just that somewhere along the line in my life, I developed this delusion that I can fix everything. I stay with people not because I know they can make me happy, but because I know they are damaged.
It didn’t matter that in some parts, they can drive me to the edge of insanity. It only mattered for the most part that I had the pathological need to fix things. Normal people bore me. They are uninteresting and often repetitive with mundane issues that a monkey with a bottle of Motrin can fix. Now people with two feet out the door, now there is something eye cacthing.
Damaged people, people not right in the head, people whom society calls for them to see shrinks, people who actually need to see a shrink…those are the people I pay most attention to, people I most seem to actually care for…people I can actually fall in love with, especially the ones that work well hiding their own damaged selves from public eye. There is my reason.
It’s not just the want with me anymore, but the need for me to be there for those that have a reason to have a puzzle unlocked…like the Rubik’s cube I constantly finish over and over again on a daily basis on pure instinct. The attraction like any is as old as any…to find a person I’m always there to ponder and put together and never be satisfied with the answer. A person who is puzzle that can never be solved, a constant attraction and self-completeness till the day I die.
That’s my reason for loving someone. That’s my own siren’s song in a ocean of people. The catch however as always is whether the feeling can ever be returned. Whether my own damaged self is a constant interest and Rubik’s Cube to the object of my affection. Of course…that is another story altogether.