How To Get Your Sorry Ass Out Of Bed

Athough I’m usually a light sleeper, I’m not usually the most energetic person in the world. It would take a lot for me to get up in the first place and instead spend an awful lot of time rolling, stretching and yawning my head off in bed. So it’s usually a habit of mine to set my alarm clock half an hour in advance…so that I CAN spend those moments in between just rolling, stetching and yawning my head off.

Then again this morning it was different. It’s not everyday you get a phone call in the morning from your classmate with this wake up call.

Congratulations, you got the highest mark in the class for genetics.

Now that’s a good wake up call because I got right out of bed and right after a little dance of whoopeedoo I went out to lunch. Now for a guy who has absolutely NO energy at all when he wakes up, that’s a hell of a change of pace.

So it got me thinking in the first place, you realise the older you get with all the responsibilities in your life you wish you never had. That kinda drags you down in the morning…you end up waking up sluggishly wishing you could just roll around in bed and stretch while yawning your head off. So to help make sure our working class society has the willpower to actually get up in the morning with a whoopeedoo…

Why not have someone invent a wake up call that gives them good news?

I mean…technically you could make a killing off it to have people subscribe to a service that gives you good news as a wake up call in the morning. It’s like…a optimistic boost to get you through those tiring morning days. Imagine…the cure for the Monday morning blues. You can’t have it any better than that. I’ve already got an idea for some good wake up calls.

  1. The pointy haired baboon that runs your workplace just died and there is a party at the office.
  2. You might have won an all expense paid vacation to sunny Jamaica.
  3. Your obscure rich relative just passed away and you might be getting this huge inheritence somewhere.
  4. Your blog just won the awards for best blog of the year award and your hits just went through the roof.

The list can go on really. Technically the only foreseeable problem in all this is the fact when your brain kicks in and you realise that your wakeup call isn’t true, you will experience that all time low, but by the time that happens, almost half the day would have passed you by. At least the wake up calls did do their job anyway.

It got your lazy ass out of bed right?

And to market this crazy idea even further, you can have tiny clock that beep you like radio ads. You know how you wake up in the morning to a good song? What about waking up believing that you won something on the radio.

CONGRATULATIONS (insert name here) OF (insert address here)!!! You just won 100 thousand dollars worth of electronic goods at (name of store here)!!

Then you can add more of the same kinds radio compatitions for variety. Come to think of it, if you combine it with the custom goodnews wake-up calls. Rest assured that you’ll never have to be late again. You’ll always be on the go in the morning especially after reinforcing your new found energy with precious caffiene.

Yeah I think it’s a good idea.

We could call it Bed Pushers Inc.

It’ll make a killing off lazy assed people like me.

Then again…I guess the novelty will wear off after a while. I mean there is so many times you can fool yourself into believing you won money or your boss died over the weekend but then in some small ways, it would give a little bit of hope that something good may happen. That at least is a good thing in a way.

Me…I know a good wake up call that won’t wear off. Waking up to having someone you love kiss you on the lips in the morning. That I know by experience is an instant energy booster in the morning.

In more ways than one.

But that of course…is another story altogether.

2 thoughts on “How To Get Your Sorry Ass Out Of Bed

  1. Congratulations sweetie…

    I’d rather have more good news or someone I love to wake up to in the morning. Little bit of snuggles, cuddles and little kisses to perk me up! 🙂
    You know what I mean…-wink-


  2. This is cool.

    Have you ever slept 9 hours, and felt like you could not sleep even if you tried to, after those 9 hours?

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