Building a career is perhaps one of the the easiest things to achieve in life. At least I've always seen is as an simple thing to do. All you do is realise what it is you want to do and then reach for it without pausing, without any safety net to fall back on. Sure, it's often a hard road to traverse. Ambition after all, is not without it's price to pay, but it's hardly something that's complicated.

If you're single and not planning to be attached anytime soon.

Over the past few months, with time ticking down until I start a family of my own, a certain, something has been bugging me. As a person with relentless ambition, there was never a question of where I wanted to go. There were considerations on how far I could possibly achieve alone, then with someone in my life, but never a question of whether or not I should turn away from a path I have spent more than a decade preparing and executing for. Until now that is.

Due to circumstances, I've begun to wonder if I can earn enough to support a family and the lifestyle that we would desire. Truthfully, no one goes into science, especially that of the experimental or theoretical kind for the money. If anything, to live a good life on that road, someone else had to be the main provider. But what if your partner can't be the main provider in the relationship? What then?

I do have an option now, but it involves me giving up my ambition of being a scientist. It involves me walking away from more than a decade of constant scheming, plotting, ass-kissing, favour collecting and plain old hard work to get to this point. I honestly don't know if I can do it, but I know I am willing to do it, if only for the sake of something more than just my own dreams.

Could I give up my dream for a reality that works better? It is not a question anyone should be in a position to ask themselves, but here I am asking it. In an ideal world, things like dreams and love are all we ever need to see life through, but reality is a much harsher mistress. It still needs things like pragmatism and money to put a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food on the table, more so if you want luxuries to go with it.

At this point, I can't really tell because the road before me has too many variables to consider. But if anything, not doing anything until it's too late isn't going to be good for my career either. Even if people say taking a reactive role is easier than a proactive one, it's always those that are proactive that go get somewhere in life and it's somewhere that I want to be. If anything, I'm cutting it pretty close if any decision is going to be made and I doubt I'll be alone when making this choice.

Or I could once again be taking too many things over my shoulder. Now wouldn't that be a surprise.