In Search Of New Friendships

“You’ve changed. You’ve grown in ways that eclipse who you once were. No one in your life can keep up with you anymore. No one you once knew truly knows who you are anymore. No one but me.”

While it is becoming apparent that a lot of my friendships are at a loss. I’ve come to realize that the slow death between best friends and friends doesn’t fall in the inability to be in their constant presence. The slow death of all my friendships lie in the changes that make up who I’ve become.

It’s not an easy thing to grow up. Attitudes change, perspectives change and most importantly priorities change. Who we once were slowly gives way to what we have to become, for better or for worse, to deal with the world around us. Yet when friendships are built on the mutual similarity, agreement or benefit that two people build that bond on, what happens when those common grounds no longer exist for one or the other?

It is inevitable that friendships drift apart due to the differences of time. My life is a testament of those differences. No longer do I follow or take interest in matters of old. No longer am I held down by feelings of the past. What I do now it more true to myself than I have been for the past 5 years and I make no allowances for being anyone else but me.

The only regret I could have is not being able to share what amounts to my life now to the people I want to call my friends. In the face of judgemental prejudice or speechless incomprehension, I feel isolated and alone, not being able to share my day, let alone the happiness of my life with anyone. A fairly substantial price to pay, I would think, for a slice of truth and well being in moment’s existence.

There is no denying that at in times like this, there is but one solution to this simple conundrum.

“That would mean I need to find new friends.”

Because the alternative is so much more miserable than I deserve especially in this state of mind. The least I can do is greet those that walk the same roads that I do. That at least is a start, if not of something great, then at least of something worthwhile. After all, isn’t that what our journey should be about?

4 thoughts on “In Search Of New Friendships

  1. I’m right with you there. Friends change, so do we so it is inevitable that at some point we outgrow each other and have less in common. Or the friendships remain but at a different level. Though I find it sad in some cases, and new friends aren’t that easy to find, the realisation is a positive one.

  2. Cléa, best friends become friends, friends become acquaintances. It’s hard to admit that the people you once had fun walking to much less rely on no longer are people that can watch your back or simply cheer you up. I’m trying to believe at least that good friends aren’t ones you find in a rush, but ones that find you along the road ahead. Of course, the in-between waiting is always the hard part.

  3. I feel I went through this a lot and will continue to do so. It’s part of life, no doubt, but I think it happens more often to those who do not allow themselves to become personally stagnant, to those who move about often geographically and to those who stay the course with the morals they say they have. All of those factors can lead to both a loss of friendship and a gain.

    Two of my closest friends here in Australia were from Norway, and after living here for two and a half years, they have returned home, as of last week. While this isn’t a complete loss, by any means, it is still a loss. It’s reminded me that in a year from now, a number of my other friends will be toddling off, back to their homes as well, as their international degrees finish. I will be doing this, too, actually, but I (and Andrew) will be moving to a place in the States I’ve never lived in–it will be starting from scratch yet again, in many ways. I never lived on my own back home, so I’ll have to learn things over again, in more American terms. I’ve made such good friendships here, that it’s difficult to think of making new ones in a new place, but it will come.

    It’s daunting when you realize all this. So many things can go wrong in the process of change, leading to pain. However, many things can go right, too. As you said, it’s part of the journey, a very long and complex one that features many faces.

  4. Lelia, we’re never alone in the face of someone willing to stand together with us in those difficult task ahead. If Andrew is staying with you throughout, then the task at hand can be a little easier. A journey that far also stands with it a chance to make friends you never thought you might expect, as opposed to the stagnating presence of a single place regardless of personal growth. It is a huge world out there, you never know who you might find on the road ahead of you.

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