It Always Hurts The First Time

It hurts doesn’t it? To do what you did. To go through what you did. It always hurts. More so the first time you go through with it. Even though you know it’s the right thing to do. Even though you know there there is no other option than what was laid down before you. Even though you know it will be by your hand. It hurts. It always does.

When it’s over, you’ll look back at it knowing that some things in life don’t come easy. You’ll look back knowing that with that equal amount of pleasure, there has to be the pain that comes with making that choice, going through that decision. Most importantly, you’ll look back knowing that it will be the exactly moment in life you started to grow up and make the better choices in life.

Nothing in life is ever that sure. You should know, you’ve debated about it for more than you’ve told me. It probably gave you more than your fair share of sleepless night over it. Even after it’s been done, you’re just not sure if you’ve done the right thing. You don’t know if what will happen will ever be the same anymore. All the doubts, all the fears, all the guilt, they just stand in the way of making the choices that you know you need to make. They cloud you from the truth that things aren’t what were in the months before this.

But guilt…is a good thing. Conscience is what tells you that you’re still a good person. It’s what tells you that you’re still human. Don’t look to people like me in this. We’ve fallen from our own graces. We’ve walked away from our own conscience, walked away from our own guilt about the things we have done. You feel bad, but congratulations, you’re still a decent human being.

I can’t promise you that it’s not going to hurt the next time. I can’t promise you that the next one will be just as what you went through before. I can’t promise anything that lies in the future because really…no one can. What I can tell you is that this time, you’ll be better prepared for what may come. That’s what life is about. Not in the anticipating the moments, but knowing how to deal with what nightmares and dreamscapes that may come. You’ll be smarter then…that much I can promise you.

After all that’s said and done, after all that’s happened and will happen. Life does indeed go on. It may hurt. It may sting. It may feel like there is an empty gaping hole where what mattered most once was. But life goes on and there is no sense in living in that moment of pain. You know I’ve lived it. You were there with me when I did. You know there was no greater pain than what you saw. You know what you’re going through will be over. But this time though…you’ll know I’ll be here for you.

That’s what friends do.

4 thoughts on “It Always Hurts The First Time

  1. thanks for listening to me last nite. i really appreciate it.

    yes, the many sleepless nites were there, debating over the moral choice and what my conscience tells me. it wasn’t easy.

    part of me regrets what i have done, but part of me says its time to move on. doesn’t stop us from being friends, so i don’t see what a failed relationship have to hinder us.

    it hurts now, but i’m numb to it. i’ll live thru the whole thing.

    i know there isn’t a nice way to do what i did, but only thing i could do was tyr n salvage something from tht.

    thank you for your words of wisdom.

    thank you for being there for me.

    thank you.

  2. i’m not sure if you even still remember me, i think i first you as an acitive forumer at http://www.recess.com.my rite? i go by the pseudonym troll87. well, alas ive discovered your blogsite on PPS! just dropping by and nice site you have here, keep it up and sorry, i dont have dough to donate at the moment 😛 have a nice day!

  3. thanks to u i’m finally much more stable now. although the saturday incident is really beginning to disgust me. bleh.

    catch ya around

  4. Well, you hang in there Kris. You know I’m always a phone call away…until I get my net back on at home at least. 🙂

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