While this was the sort of post you’d expect to see over the new years, I really didn’t feel like writing it down to begin with. Mainly because I was busy, mostly because it is something I probably said a million times already.
The thing about New Years is that for me at least, I’ve lost all sense of it being something celebratory. It’s become for me at least, another circle around the sun by the little planet that could. While people mark the year’s end/beginning as a time for coming up with goals/resolutions/achievements that mostly fail within the first month, I’ve been measuring my time in terms of each and every crisis I have to face and little goals I set myself to accomplish. In short, the New Year is nothing more than an excuse for me to not do anything but rest and relax for a couple of days before returning to the fray.
My New Year has also been pockmarked with a lot of bad memories. From losing love ones to feeling helpless in the face of people I can’t save, it feels like a long standing tradition of badly dealt cards. In so many ways, I don’t want to think about all the things that happen in the face of this. I know it is part of the past and I should let it go, but you know how the mind wanders, more so when you’re alone. I’m alone a lot during new years.
That being said, I really don’t have a resolution or wish for the coming 365 days, except the hope that the next few months would see myself through the most toughest of trials. There is a lot of shit and fire to traverse past and I can only hope that I can go through it unscathed. I can only hope, but reality has never been kind to my plight. I have the scars to prove just that.
It’s a New Year with the same deals, the same battles, the same wars and I start it with the same warcry I bellow into the night every year.
“Bring it on!” I say.
And life always does its best.