It always seems like an eternal circle doesn’t it? I feel insecure. I lash out on my blog. Scores of people would condemn me for being an idiot. I back down. Wash. Rinse. Spin. Repeat. But somehow, these past two days have been somewhat different.
It’s not the fact that people still misread and misinterpret my blog and try and show how right their system works. It’s not the fact I got a lot of comments on posts that should only matter as much as me unleashing my feelings to the world. It’s not the fact that half the time my chest feels like exploding everytime I see people putting snide comments about my attitude.
It’s the fact that for the first time.
People have actually willingly stood up and took heat for me.
I guess I really have no words to express how much I appreciate the fact that you guys did that. In fact, part of me is still in awe that you guys DID do that. I know you are my friends. I guess I forgotten that friends do take the proverbial bullet for you when you need to. I forgot that I’m not the only one who still believes in doing that.
Maybe it is about time I do something different than I am doing now. I spent my life chasing after better people trying to be part of them because I could never fit in my own supposed class. Maybe it’s time I realised that I shouldnt be chasing after the people I look up to. More so when they don’t regard me in the same context. Maybe it’s time I realised, just as I have always made the world around me.
Maybe it’s time I make my own niche.
And not surprisingly…I seem to have a song for everything.
Grew up in a small town.
And when the rain would fall down.
I’d just stare out my window.
Dreamin’ of what could be.
And if I’d end up happy.
I would pray.
Trying hard to reach out.
But when I tried to speak out.
Felt like no one could hear me.
Wanting to belong here.
But something felt so wrong here.
So I prayed I could break away.
I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly.
I’ll do what it takes till I touch the sky.
And I’ll make a wish, take a chance, make a change.
And break away.
Out of the darkness and into the sun.
But I won’t forget all the ones that I love.
I’ll take a risk, take a chance, make a change.
And break away.
Wanna feel the warm breeze.
Sleep under a palm tree.
Feel the rush of the ocean.
Get on board a fast train.
Travel on a jetplane, far away.
And break away.
Buildings with a hundred floors.
Swinging round revolving doors.
Maybe I don’t know where they’ll take me.
But, gotta keep moving on, moving on.
Fly away, break away.
Ok…so I doubt that I’ll be doing much praying. But that it means to me is that of all the bad social vibes I have had in the past. It’s time to stop chasing after those that fill their life with things I cannot relate to. I’m starting to realise all the years I have spent being there for those that need someone, I was building my own niche. Maybe even shaping something few people can say they have. Whatever the case is.
It’s not something I have been chasing. It’s not something that I even realise existed.
But it’s something and it’s a start.
All it took was people to be there.
All it takes is for me to spread my wings and see it off till the end.